


your dreams are keeping me awake

by reiriegan



Series: the unicorn and the lion [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Azure Moon Spoilers, Crests (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Sequel, Verdant Wind Spoilers, claude's crest is self-healing turned up to eleven, gd/bl combined route
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21664690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reiriegan/pseuds/reiriegan
Summary: Leading two armies against the Empire is not easy but Claude von Riegan is determined to make it work. He refuses to allow both his and Dimitri's dreams crash and burn.But even years after the kidnapping, Claude is still learning what the dark mages have done to his crest. This presents a whole host of new problems no one can really prepare for.A series of stories during the war where Dimitri battles his inner demons while Claude tries to hold everything together.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan, Hilda Valentine Goneril & Claude von Riegan, Marianne von Edmund & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: the unicorn and the lion [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561849
Comments: 61
Kudos: 184





	1. where no one's been before

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is the sequel to Hear Your Call so please read that first
> 
> I probably should've waited to post but I am oddly proud of the first chapter so I figured to post now so you guys know that the sequel is actually in the works. 
> 
> Updates will be more sporadic though (especially since holidays are coming up) but I hope you enjoy the first of this set in this series.

Claude shut the door behind him before sagging slightly and sighing, alone in his old room at last. He knew it would be difficult, to see his dreams come to fruition, but he didn’t think the obstacles would be practically throwing themselves onto his path, or that he would be once again on his own to do it all again.

Five years ago, he had decided that he wanted his dreams realized with Dimitri. It was a truly hard struggle to even open himself to the idea but spending time with his prince had slowly worn those walls down and shared in his desire to see a free and fair world. The fact that Dimitri proved how far he would go for Claude by rescuing him with his own hands definitely helped with that, but now it was Dimitri who seemed to be sabotaging their mutual goals. Their wish to bring real peace and usher in better relations with not just Fodlan, but with the rest of the world.

Claude was aware of the changes his boyfriend went through in the little timeframe they had until the Empire invaded. The Flame Emperor being Edelgard had put the last weight on the prince’s back and Claude could do nothing but watch it happen. Dimitri listened to no one, not him, or even Dedue or their professor, and then the war happened and he could not follow Dimitri to his homeland when his own was being threatened.

They had no time to even discuss what was happening, let alone even if they were together still, because Claude didn’t see it being affected when a war was threatening to end them all.

Then, just as he thought that maybe he had managed to settle things down and he could have a brief free moment to go find Dimitri, news broke of his prince’s execution. That night, away from all prying eyes and with a locked door and dagger, he broke down into tears underneath the covers. His dreams weren’t shattered just yet, there was still so much to do, but a future where he wouldn’t have to be alone to do it was gone as swiftly as a swipe of the knife.

After that, he tried not to fall into despair because this meant he was the last leader of resistance in this drudged war, his dreams slowly leaving his reach and landing in Edelgard’s lap. He wasn’t sure what that meant for the future of Fodlan, or even for the rest of the world if the Imperial Army were to take over.

He barely had any time to mourn though when his Golden Deer came see how he fared and he took comfort in their support. In that moment of weakness when he was unable to hold back his emotions, he had to wonder what the point of it all was.

But the war went on. Claude had to find a way out of it, despite his worst fears coming true. The Empire couldn’t secure the Kingdom entirely either and so there was always something to be doing, before news came of a roaming beast in Garreg Mach.

When Claude finally managed to see Dimitri, alive after all this time, the hope that he longed for bloomed once more.

He had Dimitri back. He had the professor back. Garreg Mach was still standing, and both houses came together thanks to a promise made, and finally he felt that he could muster up a better smile again.

That didn’t mean all of their problems were over though. There was a war going on, and while that was important, their biggest priority in fact, it somehow wasn’t their biggest problem.

After their reunion with the Blue Lions and Golden Deer (and it was so nice to see everyone from both houses alive and well), Dimitri had walked away from them during their talks about restoring the monastery as their base.

Later, they found he had barricaded himself within the church, skulking around the rubbles and assembling the pews with his bare hands. He hardly responded to anyone, not to Byleth’s gentle questions, or Gilbert’s lectures, or any of his housemates pleading and asking him what was wrong. Only Felix stayed around in the vicinity, saying he was there to make sure the boar didn’t hurt anyone. Claude could tell that was a front though, as Felix couldn’t quite hide the worry in his eyes whenever he looked at both him and Dimitri, almost pleading for Claude to do something about this without vocalizing any of it.

Claude had tried, oh he tried. He might be the only to get any sort of response though, if Dimitri grabbing onto him and refusing to let go, can be considered one. Dimitri wouldn’t respond to any words but he would nuzzle Claude like he was one of Marianne’s stuffed bears or put him in his lap. Although that was nice, Claude had to stop him from going further lest Felix or any other timid churchgoer get an eyeful.

Dimitri had refused conversation, muttering about wasting time and ghosts that haunt him whenever Claude manages to wiggle out of his grasp. In the little he glimpsed of Dimitri’s troubled mind, he could grasp only a surface understanding of what the five years have done to him. Worry tugged at him, thinking back to when he heard about Dimitri’s execution.

He should have demanded more information, or at least more proof. The fact that there was no body to show had been suspicious to him at the time, but information was scarce. He couldn’t leave the Alliance just to confirm that his lover was dead, no matter how much he wanted to. There were few things in Claude’s life that he regrets, mostly because he would rather not, but this could only be one of them. If only to save Dimitri from a life of torment and hopeless despair in waging a single man’s crusade.

This was all in the past which means he could stop dwelling and move on. Claude would make the best of it now that Dimitri turned out to be alive, and he could only hope Dimitri would forgive him for not searching for him. Even though Dimitri had labelled himself a dead man, signalling that he didn’t want anyone to find him, the fact that he never really looked into the Kingdom’s lies still stung.

Up until he had found Dimitri, he had mourned that sweet boy who earnestly listened to his spastic words and agreed to share their dreams and even their lives together. He took that terrifying leap of faith to trust Dimitri, just once, and the days he spent after were almost dream-like. Even falling into bandits’ hands was less terrifying when those memories were tinged with the feeling of being cradled like something precious afterwards, not left behind in the lonely darkness.

Claude knew he made the right choice when Dimitri had been the one to free him from the table and openly invited him, an outsider, to be by his side. Now it was his turn to free Dimitri from the shackles of his past.

Though that was easier said than done with five years of compounded isolation, battered by rage and revenge.

Claude wanted to try and get Dimitri to come help, to interact with the others, distract his mind, and help wage this war, but Dimitri would not follow. Every day he tried, but to no avail.

Unfortunately, that made Dimitri not so useful in the war effort, and all questions and inquiries ended up being directed to Claude. Even Gilbert took to consulting with Claude about supplies and such while he continuously hit a wall with Dimitri.

At least, Byleth could oversee the Knights of Seiros they were allied with, but with the Alliance and Kingdom armies… until they could get through to Dimitri, Claude was on his own.

“Gods and Goddesses, Dimitri,” Claude muttered, pressing his eyelids together to relieve some of the tension and fatigue. These last few days have taught him that hope may be a better to believe in than faith in some unforeseen deity, but whatever spiritual entity out there who was granting it probably also had a propensity for a twisted form of torture. “Make this even harder why don’t you.”

At least they were making headway in the war now more than ever before. Their first task was to fend off an Imperial invasion and with a combination of Dimitri’s battle lust leading a _very_ effective frontal charge and Claude setting a fire trap in the back to take care of the reinforcements, they had little trouble defending the monastery this time around.

It was after that battle however, that a sudden crisis struck.

Ashe had fallen gravely ill not long after they had sent a plea off for reinforcements from Judith and Rodrigue. It was quite sudden and when they rushed him to the infirmary, Manuela looked shaky and pale after examining him.

“The only medicine I can give him will not be enough,” she informed Byleth and Claude after they shooed out the rest of the classmates from the infirmary, leaving only Marianne and Mercedes hovering in the background.

“What about magic?” Byleth asked, peering at Ashe’s prone form.

“It would have to be an immense amount of magic just to keep him from worsening,” said Manuela, looking at the other two healers, “which we do not have. I… can keep trying to make a stronger potion but we do not have much time before…” She trailed and Claude knew to assume the worst.

Mercedes stepped forward to clutch at Ashe’s hand, and began to pray.

Claude stepped over to the other side of the bed and watched them with apprehensive eyes. Ashe was groaning in pain, hot and sweaty to the touch. The thought that one of his classmates, let alone someone like Ashe, could die this way left his stomach in knots. He couldn’t let this happen so he finally suggested, “Well, what about a blood transfusion? Mine could… help.”

Understanding dawned on Byleth’s face, “Like father…”

Manuela got up and went to her cabinets, flipping through her patient files before shaking her head sadly. “Your blood types are not compatible. It would be introducing more hostilities for his body to have to battle with instead of allowing the healing part to work.” She frowned, “Though to be fair, I’m not sure what kind of side-effects crest blood would cause. We would have to ask Hanneman about that I suppose.”

“There has to be something we can do,” Mercedes murmured, attempting to alleviate Ashe’s pain with her substantial healing abilities.

“Claude, maybe you could try… your healing magic,” Marianne spoke up. “Sometimes crests fuel our energy when we spell cast, maybe it could do that for you too.”

Claude had to admit he doesn’t really use his healing magic much despite knowing the basics, but he didn’t see the harm in trying. The last time he healed someone was Dimitri, and his inexperience in closing the wounds that Dimitri had received in his mad rush against the imperials had tired him out. He would never be on par with someone like Marianne in healing but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try using his crest during a crisis like this.

He perched himself on the edge of the bed and then summoned the Riegan crest. He stared at the symbol as he activated it with little effort. It glowed but did nothing when he tried to cast Recover. He could feel the power surging through his blood with nowhere to go.

Mercedes looked up at the bright light hovering above, “Maybe you should try touching Ashe,” she suggested. “Contact really helps when it is possible.” Coming from someone with a crest practically designed for healing magic, Claude knew he should take her words into consideration.

Claude nodded and slowly brought his hand with the crest over to touch Ashe’s shoulder.

Instantly, he felt that familiar full-body tingly feeling of his energy sapping, transforming, and transferring. A rush of breath left his lungs and he nearly fell forward on the top of Ashe, to the alarm of everyone around him.

“Claude?” Byleth rushed over, hesitant to touch. The light of Claude’s crest stretched out over the two, bathed in yellow-white light.

Manuela touched Ashe’s forehead with her own diagnostic magic and gasped, “That’s… a lot of healing magic flowing there, and it’s strong too. Claude, your crest might be able to nurture him enough to take the medicine.”

“That’s… great,” Claude breathed out. He can feel the effects of that familiar crest healing exhaustion coming on as magic and blood mixed and twisted, flowing into energy pumping back and forth between himself and Ashe. He turned his head towards Byleth, “I think I’m going… to pass out for a bit. Keep watch, Teach?”

Byleth had barely nodded when Claude’s vision faded to black.

He woke up to see Ashe’s terrified face in front of him.

Claude pasted on what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He was still very sleepy, “Ashe, you’re looking… well?”

“I… Mercedes told me what happened. Please don’t tell His Highness, he will actually kill me, I-“

“Wait, hold up. No one is going to get killed,” Claude interrupted, feeling disoriented by Ashe’s rambling. He wanted to get up but his body felt heavy. At least he has a little energy to move his head. “Why would you think that?”

“You… you had to use the power of your crest to heal me, right? We… we slept the whole night like this,” Ashe moved his arm enough to gesture to how close they were, pressing on all sides in the cramped bed.

The door opened and Manuela strolled in, followed by Byleth who lingered in the doorway. Manuela eyed the two of them in amusement before she said, “Looks like you’re better, Ashe. Now you can take the medicine and you’ll be fully recovered within the next day or so.”

“Oh, thank you,” Ashe said, ever polite. He turned to Claude, “And you too, Claude. Thank you so much for this. Are you sure His Highness will…?”

“Dimitri will be okay with this,” Claude said firmly. It wasn’t like he has been doing much else when he barely listens to Claude on the best of days.

Ashe looked wide-eyed, “But aren’t you… you two are…” he blushed and looked away. “You are together aren’t you?”

That was a good question. Claude was about to reply yes, but if he really thought about, their relationship was practically non-existent in the last five years. Did he assume too much? That they could pick up where they left off after all those years of separation?

Barring the fact that he could tell that Dimitri only wants him and he only wants Dimitri in turn, they never really talked about it during their reunion. He doesn’t have a clue if that’s how conventional relationships would work in this strange scenario, but he would not give up. His dreams depended on all of this and if it was within his power, he would keep trying to reach them.

He had vowed to reach them or die trying once upon a time.

Claude shook his head. Since when did he ever think about being conventional? He knows his heart is set on it, so he smiled at Ashe, a touch more genuine and reassuring than before.

“We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Tf when you have to lead two armies as the only resistance capable of going against the empire and your boyfriend is totally useless *shakes head*  
> \- When Dimitri well… gets out of his spiral, he better give Claude all the hugs (luckily he’s good at it)  
> \- Yes, Byleth and Alois achieved B rank support so they know about Jeralt (also… implies a lot about how crest blood could work huh?)  
> \- Anyone have a guess as to how Dimitri will react when he finds out how Claude heals people? :3


	2. the brightest colours in my head

This wasn’t real.

None of it was. The monastery. The professor returning. His house together once again. None. Beasts like him don’t get happy endings.

But… Dimitri didn’t think his visions, his ghosts, could be this vivid. Yet…

He got to hold Claude in his arms again. Claude refused to abandon him. Claude thought HE was the ghost at first, believing the news of the execution but still hanging by frayed threads on the not-so-deluded belief that it couldn’t be true.

Claude was never one of his ghosts. Though that didn’t stop the voices from telling him that Claude had given up on him, beast and murderer that he was. That he no longer was worthy of his love after the terrible things he had done.

He could have gone to Claude any time after escaping his execution, and he probably should have. Back in those early days, that was all he longed for: to silence the voices and to hold Claude again, solid and real, and to be graced with that smile again. To return to the days where they would discuss politics, history, and their own aspirations, when his dreary world became full of colour.

But even back during those days, when his mind was a quagmire, he knew well that doing so would bring Kingdom war straight onto Claude’s doorstep. He couldn’t stomach being the cause of Claude’s death and becoming one of his ghosts, following him until the very end.

Nor could he stand the thought of Claude seeing him like how he was: monstrous, a killer, beastly. Seeing the one he loved stripped of his princely façade, only to reveal a bloodthirsty monster, not worthy of any more of his time or affection.

Would Claude have still called him ‘Your Princeliness?’ in that lilting teasing way of his? Or would he just look with immense pity in his green eyes?

The scathing words of the dead lashed and whipped him until he nearly felt brought to tears by Claude, the real Claude, who gently refuted them all and still loved him in spite of it. It was all too difficult to accept and his tenuous hold on what is reality slips with every contradiction.

But the dead refused to be deterred. Chased away by the warm breeze of Claude’s hopeful love, they crawl back to him once the wind stopped blowing.

Inside Dimitri, two sides warred. The golden coloured vision of his professor, his house, his beloved, alive and calling for him, and the river of red, torment and tears, flowing into a dark pool that threatened to drown his mind. He wasn’t sure which way to turn, who was more important, what he should be doing right now.

He wanted to kill imperials. He wanted to get to _her_. But he also wanted to simply _rest_ without hearing anything more. To lie in darkness and hear only the soft humming from the days of his youth. To see smiles no longer burdened with pain or expectation.

The days blurred by as the ghosts grow insistent. His friends and classmates also grow insistent. The voices grow quieter when he kills more imperials, but it was only temporary. He could not let them down. He had to…

_“Don’t you think the world will be a better place if we learn to get along with those who are different from us? You know, if we do that, then maybe true peace can possible!”_

Within the swell of voices, that one struck and it gave him pause. It was from a memory long ago, when he and Claude strolled around the monastery late at night for the fresh air and away from gossiping eyes. He remembered it being a very still night, even his chronic headache had lessened.

The Golden Deer leader had been particularly quiet that night, which was an unusual sight. Dimitri had given him the silence until he found himself pulled into conversation about the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, the mock battle they just had. Claude pointed out that he found it strange that they would re-enact old wars in a time of peace. Dimitri responded that it was to honour the sacrifices of those in the past. Claude was incredulous that such an old battle would be the one remembered and not all the others that have spilled blood.

_“But if Fodlan is at peace, why do we need to bring this up again and again? I don’t see you or Edelgard as an enemy, so why do we need to fight each other? Just to re-enact a conflict from so long ago? I meant what I said about wanting the prize for winning. It’s the only thing that motivated me to want to fight either of you.”_

_Claude paused, a pensive look on his face, “Doesn’t that seem suspicious to you?”_

That was a question that Dimitri faltered at. His initial instinctive response back then was that it was for training, and while Claude acknowledged that was one purpose, why couldn’t the houses just share training techniques then? Their classmates could learn from each other without having to worry about house loyalty, and their professors were not particularly inclined for fighting either, apart from Byleth.

Like the arrows he wielded with deadly accuracy, Claude pulled the strings and drove his point home. Dimitri understood the other boy’s ability of insight with such clarity that night.

The memory also dredged up an old vow, one that he hadn’t completely forgotten, but was carefully buried under the demands of others. He wanted to make it up to Duscur, and while his vision wasn’t nearly as wide as Claude’s was, he agreed wholeheartedly that they had to stop being afraid of people who were different, that their neighbouring countries were not their enemy. He had watched people burn for simply being who they are, and it chilled him faster than any Faerghus wind could. If they could prevent such a thing from happening, if they could show people not to be afraid, only then could there truly be peace in the world.

Dimitri knew that the propensity for violence was within him, but he wished for peace more than anything else in the world. Wished that people didn’t have to die for nothing.

_“That’s a good ambition, Dimitri, but what happens next?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Rebuilding Duscur is very noble of you, very princely. But… that’s only because of what already happened right? You want to make it up to them for what those lords in your kingdom did. So… what else do you want to do?”_

_“I… you’re saying my goal isn’t enough, Claude?” It sounded daunting enough to Dimitri, who endlessly worried about the throne remaining empty and the immense responsibility it represented._

_“I’m saying that this is an expectation. It’s something you want to do, but anyone could see that you’re amending for someone else’s crimes. What is it that you yourself want to do? What do you want to accomplish?”_

_Claude stops walking and turns around. He looked at Dimitri with wonder twinkling in those eyes, wide and bright with curiosity._

_"_ _What kind of king would you be if the Tragedy of Duscur never happened?”_

He stopped his pacing. Bringing up the memory momentarily silenced his ghosts as he parsed through the thoughts that came unbidden. He wanted to bring justice to those who died, but… what about those who haven’t found justice but still lived?

They were at war. Those people who wronged his family, who wronged Duscur, had to be silenced. The innocent dead, his loved ones, also needed peace and Dimitri will bring it to them.

“Dimitri?”

Dimitri spun around. The daylight streaming through the cracks in the church roof illuminated the ground around them, and in front of him, Claude stood in the light as it streamed down, illuminating his soft hair .

He was a vision of captivating gold and yellows, with a backdrop of soft light. There was an aura of calm around him instead of fear and apprehension like so many others.

“What do you want?” Dimitri spat out, inwardly wincing that he may have slightly overdone it, brusque and blunt as he had tried not to be but could not avoid it.

Claude wasn’t deterred but he shot him a guarded smile.

Since… when did Claude start making that smile at him again? That smile that had set him on edge every time, masking pain and truths from him, why is he seeing it again…?

“Why don’t we walk around outside Dimitri? You’ve been cooped up in this dusty church for too long.”

“You’re not going to make me come to the war room?” Dimitri blurted. Just the thought of having to see so many familiar faces he was beholden to made his stomach turn.

Claude waved a hand, “Nope, besides, Cyril has been itching to clean in here but your big bad lion act has been scaring him.”

Cyril. That name was vaguely familiar. A younger boy in the church whom took a bit after Claude in his radiance. Dimitri wasn’t too familiar with the boy, but knew he saw the monastery as his home.

He quietly followed Claude out one of the side doors, blinking as more sunlight hit his face. Claude was standing near the parapet, looking out into the distance. The sun as it slowly crept towards the horizon shone behind his head, shimmering in a multitude of bright colours.

Dimitri wanted to reach out and touch him, to make sure Claude was real, and he didn’t hesitate. He walked over, stretched his arms over Claude’s shoulders and placed his head on top of Claude’s.

Strange, he had to lower his neck much more than usual to get to Claude’s head. Did Claude get shorter?

“Did you get shorter?” He voiced his thoughts.

A short laugh escaped Claude and he reached his arm up to pat Dimitri’s head. “No,” he said fondly, “It’s you who shot up like a tree.”

“Oh,” was all Dimitri said as he breathed in his lover’s scent. Even after all these years, Claude still smelled the same: like pine needle tea with a pleasant floral undertone. Like the wind picking up all the deep smells of the forest and dropping it in Dimitri’s lap. It brought back memories of wrapping an exhausted Claude in his cloak, keeping him close, safe and secure, and the satisfying knowledge that he was able to save him.

Like this, feeling Claude’s warmth, and the familiarity of his comforting scent, Dimitri could block out the voices that threaten to drown him. They still clamoured for her head, but they were far away. He will bring them her head and then they will leave him alone to be with Claude. It had to be enough.

In his arms, Claude turned his neck around to look up at him, seemingly searching for something in his face.

He must have found it because he slid sideways and, with Dimitri already bending over, he slid their mouths together in a gentle kiss.

He was still watching him when they parted. Dimitri felt a surge of desire flaring in his stomach. He pressed their mouths together again eagerly, devouring Claude’s and sliding his tongue into the open-mouthed kiss. He explored Claude’s mouth, familiarizing himself after all those absent years, remembering teasing smiles and sharp gasps of encouragement.

Dimitri didn’t know how long they stood there kissing one another but he wanted more. He reached out to Claude’s waist, remembering how big his hands looked wrapped around his lover’s much smaller waist. He always thought they looked clunky there but he remembered how much Claude liked that.

As if on cue, Claude moaned into the kiss, and they broke apart. Dimitri’s hands still on his waist, keeping them close, enjoying the warmth. He had missed this. The years he spent on the run was a blur of violence and dredging darkness. There were times when he yearned to escape it all but could not manage it completely, when his mind conjured up warm nights, stars twinkling and reflecting in emerald green, a warm hand in his, delicate skin glowing under his mouth.

Like this, he could focus on the present. He arched his neck lower, moving aside Claude’s cravate and exposing the skin around his neck and part of his shoulders. Dimitri paused to breathe in the scent of his lover, burying his nose into Claude. He felt the urge to bite, to mark the smooth and soft skin. A sharp intake of breath was heard as Dimitri nipped Claude’s collar.

“You can,” Claude gasped out, “You can bite as much as you want.”

He supposed that if Claude was inviting him to, then Dimitri wasn’t going to refuse. He continued his ministrations, relishing in the small pleased sounds that Claude made as he sucked another lovely bruise in. Claude hung onto him as close as they have ever been, reaching around to play with the hair at the back of his neck.

They were standing outside in the dimming sunlight, where anyone can see. Luckily, no one was around but if they were, they would see exactly what they were doing.

Claude lightly hummed as heat pooled in Dimitri’s stomach, “Hmm I don’t know if you want to…”

“I do,” Dimitri told him.

Claude blinked as though surprised, “Great.” He began tugging Dimitri as he walked, “Let’s go then.”

This time it was Dimitri’s turn to blink in surprise, “Go where?”

Claude shot a grin up at him, a real one this time, and a wink. “To the baths, Your Princeliness. You need about ten of them right now.”

Well, he walked right into that one.

\--

They were in the baths and Dimitri couldn’t stop staring.

Underneath the golden silks he wore as leader of the Alliance, Dimitri could see that Claude was thin. So thin. There were shadows under his eyes that were easier to see up close. His body completely unblemished but the slump of his shoulders and sharp lines told a different story.

Claude was worn. Very worn.

A tight ball of worry started to settle in Dimitri’s stomach. A long since unused feeling, but familiar to him all the same. It shocked him out of listening to the nearby ghost telling him that Dedue’s death was his fault.

\--

In Aiell, an erratic arrow found its way into Claude’s shoulder blade and he went down, nearly falling into the nearby lava pool. His wyvern struggled to keep them balance but they were noticed by the enemy and soon another arrow struck. Another wyvern rider fired an arrow back from behind, and chased after the archers, preventing more arrows from hitting the downed duo.

Dimitri sees this and his guttural scream drew the attention of everyone around him. He hurried to reach Claude, heedless of the burning terrain or any enemies blocking his way. His house and some of the nearby Golden Deer sprang forward to clear the path.

Upon reaching Claude’s wyvern, the wyvern let him reach out to tug Claude from the saddle where he was slumped over. The arrows punctured several parts of his body and Dimitri was hesitant as to leave them in.

Another wyvern landed next to them and Hilda jumped from her seat.

“Take them out,” Hilda shouted as she circled around Claude’s wyvern.

“What?” Dimitri said dumbly.

“Take the arrows out,” Hilda repeated. She crossed over the last bit of distance but didn’t get too close. She pointed at the arrows protruding out of Claude’s body.

Dimitri was still confused. The rational part of his mind that resurfaced remembered that keeping the arrows or any weapon inside the body was the best way to prevent blood loss before they could reach a healer.

“Claude’s body will heal the rest,” The second-in-command of the Alliance army reassured him.

Claude’s body will… oh.

Dimitri hurried to take the arrows out, mindful that doing so would hurt. He had to do it slowly. They could already see parts of his wounds slowly forming over the hole, the crest lighting up as proof of its effectiveness.

Hilda’s pink eyes glimmered at the sight, “That’s never easy to watch. He’s going to be out for a little while.”

They agreed to put the Alliance commander with Marianne and Dorte. Dimitri had to go back into the fight. There were still traitorous Kingdom soldiers coming towards them and while he was bleeding a bit, his wounds were not grievous enough to stop. There was nothing else to it.

The day was won. House Rowe falls.

Another man throwing down his life. Dimitri was getting sick of death being treated so lightly by those who do not truly understand it. Just how permanent it is.

He quickly leaves the talks with Rodrigue, Byleth, and Judith after most of the important things that could be discussed without Claude present were concluded. Under Judith’s knowing gaze, he headed to the healers’ tent set up just outside the torturous valley. The air was already much cooler once he stepped past the last few boulders.

Inside the tent, Hilda and Marianne were there, and to Dimitri’s surprise, so was Ashe.

“Ah, Your Highness,” Ashe sprung to his feet quickly, “I-I’ll leave you be.”

“I didn’t know you two were close,” Dimitri said, halting Ashe’s quick getaway.

Ashe ducked his head, “I wanted to- well…”

Hilda’s sweet voice cut in, “Ashe was worried. You know he chased away the enemy after Claude was hit right?”

Dimitri recalled another wyvern rider in the air covering Claude’s fall.

“That’s right… I… well, I will take my leave now,” Ashe said, bowing out of the tent before Dimitri could thank him for it.

Now alone with a sleeping Claude and his two former housemates, Dimitri took the vacant chair, watching Claude’s chest rise and fall. A faint glow in the shape of the Riegan crest shined within. Though the wounds seemed to be mostly healed, his skin looked very red and tender. Claude shouldn’t be moved right now until the tender skin was bandaged but the fact that he was still asleep was worrying.

“I thought he would be healed by now,” Dimitri admitted. Claude had always bounced back faster than anyone, now expedited by his crest, even going so far as to ignore the bandaging part.

Marianne looked away, “He is malnourished. It slows down his healing capabilities…”

He should’ve known. He should’ve seen how bad his beloved has gotten. It was no easy task to manage two armies even if he had help from Hilda, or Gilbert, or Byleth. Dimitri didn’t want to look up to see their eyes, likely accusing him like his ghosts that he hasn’t done enough, wasn’t doing anything enough.

He was never enough.

The next thing he knew, Hilda and Marianne have left and Claude was stirring.

“Dima?” Concerned green eyes peered up at him despite the bags under his eyes.

Dimitri surged forward, taking Claude’s hands into his. They were very warm. “Claude, I-…”

“Hey,” Claude said in greeting with a small smile. It was a genuine one, and then it disappeared as his eyes swept over Dimitri’s body. “You didn’t go to a healer did you?”

He shook his head, “They are minor.”

Claude tried to sit up but Dimitri didn’t let him, pushing him back down gently with his palm, “You need to recover.”

“I’m fine,” Claude protested.

“Marianne said you were malnourished.”

Claude opened his mouth but no words came out. He looked at Dimitri in shock, before closing his mouth and nodding, unable to really deny those words.

“Then… you come here,” Claude said, patting the space next to him.

He didn’t see any harm to doing it, and lying beside Claude, touching his warmth, has been helping keep the worst of the nightmares away. He took off his heaviest furs and some of the hard parts of his armour, not wanting to press something cold and hard against Claude’s vulnerable form.

Lying next to Claude, taking in the love that Claude still bears for him, and seeing that beautiful sharp smile turn gentle when aimed at him is calming. The ghosts still rag on him for staying with his beloved instead of getting their revenge, but he would never let them hurt Claude. Most of them have learned to back off now when Dimitri dug in and didn’t budge. It was the one thing he was willing to keep for himself, a small bright candle in the pitch black. As long as he was around to ensure it, Claude will live, and if Claude chooses to be with him, he wasn’t going to take the choice away.

Maybe that was reason enough. Maybe it would help him learn to ignore the ghosts. Dimitri will try, and hope that it will be brighter on the other side of the wall.

The only way he could see a future for himself is if Claude was in it too. The only way he could live is if Claude was alive with him. To see a peaceful Fodlan, where it was no longer necessary to shed all that blood.

All these years passed and despite it all, Claude continues to bring colour to Dimitri’s world. He cannot imagine a world without him. Well, actually he can, the last five angry years showed him just how grey the world was. It was Claude who still held their shared love of peace in his heart, a golden path of optimism in his brilliant mind, and ideas that shine in his gorgeous eyes. Ideas that no one else would have thought of, and would revolutionize the world.

Dimitri realized how badly he has wanted to see it.

He didn’t notice the shining crescent moon blanketing them as they both slipped back into restful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Claude Ends up in the Infirmary Bed, the Fic  
> \- Gods, being in Dimitri’s head is kinda scary but also terribly sweet at the same time somehow??  
> \- I FORGOT TO TAG DEDUE, HE IS COMING IN, BUT I TOTALLY FORGOT TO TAG HIM, I’M- I’M DEEPLY ASHAMED OF MYSELF  
> \- I’ve been imagining Claude running around like Byleth does in order to take care of two armies plus Dimitri and I’m like, sweetie… you should probably delegate…  
> \- Have you ever had a boyfriend who is so besotted with you that he would only take the throne if you will rule with him?  
> \- I wrestled so hard with like basically the whole chapter gosh, what is writing? Why do I do this? But... I kinda like this chapter so I hope you do too  
> \- I am having some trouble with the rest of the fic, I’ll regroup after the holidays so this may be the last update of the year unless some cute holiday dmcl idea strikes all of a sudden, so happy holidays everyone!


	3. let me be part of it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of his classmates join them, and Claude finds that his crest has even more pros and cons outside of just being what it is.

Claude had to admit that, day by day, he was beginning to see the value of forming bonds with all of the people in his year-class. Though it wasn’t that he didn’t want to form before, he actually really wanted his peers to get to know him, he yearned for it, but the fear that they will turn on him outweighed any of it.

And also, well, the assassination attempts would be numerous if they knew who he truly was.

Still, the people he went to school with were all good people, even Lorenz, and he has grown closer to his Golden Deer and with some of the Blue Lions. The other houses had even come to save him with nothing more than thinking it was the right thing to do.

(They won’t save him if they knew. They care. No, they do not. They think he is worth saving. Would they have done it if they knew he was a son of their enemy?)

Even so, lives that can still be lived are precious to have. You can do anything as long as you remain alive. Claude had vowed to himself to try to save as many people in the quickest way possible, that war is unfair to everyone, even if he had to drag them kicking and screaming away from the battlefield. A tall order, but maybe not as tall as he had originally thought.

And maybe not just wishful thinking on his part either.

In their war against Edelgard, not everyone had seen eye to eye with her methods, including her own classmates. Apparently Ferdinand had wandered aimlessly after his territory was razed and after he had found shelter for his people, he went to Garreg Mach to fulfill the promise.

Dimitri had refused to trust a former Imperial, especially one named Aegir, but Claude remembered those days when he felt so alone and friendly Ferdinand had reached out to him. Even if it was just for a spot of tea and for Ferdinand to expound the virtues of a noble to him, a boy with good intentions were what struck Claude the most about the young noble.

In the end, Dimitri said Claude could do whatever he wanted. Claude, having spies with their ears to the ground, knew that Ferdinand’s story was true, and he let the red head join. Ferdinand mostly kept to the stables, but some of the Golden Deer would talk to him, namely Lorenz and Marianne while most of the Blue Lions, save Mercedes, hesitated to make him feel more welcome. He resolved to talk to Ferdinand later to maybe get a better read on Edelgard’s motives. The red-head was in their circle during school so he had to know something at least.

After Claude finally had that breakthrough with Dimitri in getting him out of the church, into a bath, and into bed (and well, the infirmary bed), his lover changed.

Kind of. Dimitri no longer sulked inside the church. Instead, he took to staying around Claude, following him on his duties, glowering at people who tried to talk to him and then glowering again when they ask Claude inane questions. It was very protective and while some may protest such a behaviour as stifling, Claude was secretly charmed by it. Though you wouldn’t get him to admit to that, just shoot them an easy smile and picking up the conversation again afterwards as though nothing had happened.

The Blue Lions had, at first, made the mistake of thinking their prince was ready to lead them again. He was not. Eventually, they reverted back to their previous tasks but with at least less worry for Dimitri now that he was going about as Claude’s silent shadow, acknowledging but not engaging.

The Golden Deer ex-students took it in stride, greeting Dimitri alongside Claude and not perturbed when he grunts at them. Lorenz in particular only looked sour whenever Dimitri practically draped himself or his cloak over Claude at times but he refrained from commenting.

Claude also took these new developments with tempered joy. Even if Dimitri still wasn’t participating as a leader, at least he was present to see the war effort underway. He would even join Byleth’s training sessions but keeps his distance from the others.

At night, he barely slept, staring at Claude most of the time when he worked late, haunting his room like a spectre. It confirmed Claude’s suspicions that Dimitri did not really sleep during his stint in the cathedral. Even now, he only sleeps when Claude does, covering him like a human furnace as they laid impossibly close on the now-small bed.

Claude had known, even back during the academy, that with the amount of times he met Dimitri in the halls late at night, and their nightly walks, that the prince doesn’t sleep as often as one healthily should. He suspected it was because of his nightmares and only now did Dimitri confirm it, mentioning the ghosts that dogged his every decision, demanding, belittling, and piling on the guilt of his failures. Failures that Claude suspected were not of Dimitri’s fault at all but he still felt responsible for it.

It was worrying but there was barely enough time to address it. As a result, Claude tried to sleep more often despite needing to work late. He knew Dimitri was doing this for his benefit more than himself, and well, he was right that Claude had been more tired than usual. He needed to give his brain a rest after poring over maps trying to find ways to bolster their war efforts with as little bloodshed as possible.

The bigger puzzle was whether or not they should march straight for imperial territory, or should they free the kingdom first. There have been many arguments behind closed doors about where their priorities lay. He would consult Dimitri but his boyfriend simply said that whatever Claude decided will be the best course of action, and he will support it.

Meaning: no help, but…

To Claude, that amount of trust was staggering, something no one has ever said to him before. No one other than Dimitri could be this painfully straightforward with handing the reins of power to someone and be sincere about it. Claude doubled his efforts to try to think up more brilliant strategies for the upcoming confrontation with the Empire. They had to end this war before more blood would be shed.

But things were running more smoothly, everyone’s spirits were up after seeing their leaders together. Moral was high as they progressed forward in the war effort.

Their careful assault on the Bridge of Myrrdin was a success. Even Dimitri complied with Byleth and Claude’s combined tactical planning and directions so Claude counted that as an additional win.

They found Caspar and Linhardt on the bridge. Byleth was the first one to reach them with unconcealed concern, and Claude was not far behind after dismounting his wyvern.

“Professor you… want us to join you?” Caspar asked, eyebrows raised incredulously. The

Linhardt was quiet, peering at Claude, watching as the small wounds and cuts heal up, watching as his skin re-knits itself back together with ease.

Claude sees Linhardt watching and knows what he wants.

“You don’t have to fight us and we will not let you die to the Empire.” The unspoken answer to the question that wasn’t asked.

Linhardt and Caspar returned to Garreg Mach with them with little protest.

* * *

Dedue caught up to them as they were leaving the bulk of their armies to guard the bridge. The rest returning to Garreg Mach to prepare for the next step with invading Empire territory. It was a shock to the Blue Lions as Dimitri had told them Dedue had died helping him escape from execution. To see him alive was nothing short of miraculous.

The inevitable meeting of Dimitri and Dedue was one that Claude didn’t think he should be there for. It seemed too private, but Dimitri wouldn’t let go of him when they went somewhere private to talk, and so he ended up playing silent witness to the two very tall men.

It was unfair that both of them practically towered over him, Dedue being even slightly taller than Dimitri despite the growth spurt.

But it was enlightening to see Dimitri’s expression of wonder. He truly had thought Dedue was dead.

Many other emotions flitted through his face. Dimitri was always too open with his emotions, but Claude could practically see the balm on his soul. Another reason to live. He remembered Dimitri’s dreams of rebuilding Duscur, and that dream still lives on, embodied in Dedue and his ideals.

After that heartfelt exchange, Dedue asked to speak with him alone. It was definitely a testament to the trust and comfort Dimitri has in his retainer that for the first time in a long while, he left Claude to be alone with someone else.

Dedue thanked Claude for looking after Dimitri when he couldn’t be there to do it.

Guilt clenched tightly in Claude’s stomach without meaning to and he had to tell Dedue that his gracious words were misplaced. Claude had not been there during the hell that Dimitri went through in the five years after the so-called execution, could not fully pull Dimitri from the trappings of his own mind still despite his best efforts.

Dedue cast a stern stare that cut through Claude’s words. “You could not have known it would turn out this way. What matters the most is that you care about His Highness very much.”

It was a shame, Claude thought then and there, that he and Dedue didn’t get to speak much back in the academy beyond pleasantries and Dimitri’s reassurance that Claude meant no harm to him. Dedue was a man stable and serene as a tree, and valued those close to him deeply.

Claude knew about the rumours that also swirled around Dedue, especially among the Blue Lion students. He of course never paid much stock to the rumours or he would despise his own hypocrisy, but he had his own experience. It had to have hurt no matter how many you times you tell yourself it doesn’t matter.

Back then, he wielded an iron grip on his shield of secrecy. Dedue did not, could not even if he wanted to.

In front of this man, a man much braver than Claude to have weather the storms of hatred and emerged from them kind and just, Claude felt he owed much to Dedue.

“You and I… we are both more alike than you know,” Claude started, choosing his words carefully.

His eyebrows raised, “How so?”

Claude tried hard to not show doubt or fear. He was about to reveal his biggest secret, and it wasn’t because he didn’t trust Dedue, but it was hard to suppress his instincts. He has kept things close to his chest that no one other than Teach or Dimitri would know even an inkling of it. Certainly he had eventually confided in Hilda some things after a long time of knowing her, but she barely knew more than what Dimitri did.

But if there’s anything in the world Dedue deserved, whether for his steadfast support to Dimitri, or his love of his home country, then he deserved to know the possibility of a fallout once Claude revealed the whole truth to Dimitri. Dimitri would need an arm to lean on should he decide that the full truth of who Claude is becomes too much. Claude doesn’t know if revealing his heritage will turn out well for their relationship, but it was an inevitable conversation if they are to stay together.

However, doing this wasn’t just for Dimitri’s sake, it was also for Dedue.

Dedue should know what Claude was really fighting for. The kind of world that Claude envisioned.

“I know that you wish to rebuild Duscur,” he began frankly. “I know that both you and Dimitri wish to mend relations between Faerghus and Duscur. I too, wish for something similar.”

Dedue’s brow furrowed, “You wish to mend relations as well. Between the Alliance and the Kingdom?”

Claude laughed a bit at that, “Well that isn’t exactly the reason why we started dating, but it is safe to say that relations between them are better than ever.” Even Dedue’s lips turned up a bit at his small joke, and it warmed Claude to see that they could get along and that Dedue was not as stoic as he seemed.

He let his smile fade a bit and spoke seriously, “I do wish for good relations, and being the leader of the Alliance was supposed to help me forge them with our closest neighbours.”

He could practically see Dedue’s thoughts ticking, “with Almyra.” He finished, “You wish to build relations with Almyra?”

“And Dagda, and Brigid, and Sreng, and the rest of the world.” Claude added, “I see no reason to limit my dream to just Almyra, even if I am from there.”

That garnered a small reaction from Dedue who blinked rapidly a few times, “You are Almyran?”

“Half,” Claude corrected with a weak smile and barrelled on despite feeling like being exposed on an open field, “on my father’s side. It… hasn’t been easy to be disliked on both sides of the border for who you are.”

Dedue paused in thought at that, “No, it is not. I have always taken comfort in knowing who I am. To be denied even that… You are very strong, Claude von Riegan.”

He sort of expected that his secret would go well with Dedue, and the fact that he hid it for so long was completely understandable to the other man as well.

“If we all understood each other more, open our minds to the possibilities beyond our borders… Fodlan will be a kinder place to you and I,” Claude said in a rush. Perhaps taking this step forward to form bonds with people, those who are also outsiders, to bring them together and build a new world that could be even better than the one he envisioned.

Dedue looked at him with a new light, and Claude thought that maybe, just maybe, his dreams could use the help beyond what he and Dimitri could do on their own.

* * *

The battle at Myrddin did not result in as many casualties thanks to Byleth and Claude’s careful tactics and the pincer maneuver, but Claude still dropped by in order to check on the injured with Dimitri in tow.

Dimitri had healed considerably from the assault at Ailell and, while he still recklessly charged a Demonic Beast that was on the bridge, his injuries were light.

“Fascinating,” Linhardt unconsciously breathed out loud when he joined the other healers in the infirmary.

“What?” Even as he asked, Claude felt uneasy. Of the two Eagles they brought into the fold, Linhardt was much too curious when his mind latches onto something, not unlike Claude himself.

Linhardt’s dark green eyes were wide awake, likely remembering how Claude’s cuts and scrapes changed,

“A crest that has gone beyond its normal capabilities. You can heal yourself at any time correct?”

Claude didn’t really want to talk about his crest ability.

“I’ve been told you can even heal others with it.”

He wanted even less to talk about that. Especially with Dimitri in the room.

But if he didn’t want Linhardt to continue, he had to say something to appease the scholar.

“I don’t have control over it,” Claude said with an artfully careless shrug.

Linhardt looked thoughtful, “That does seem in line with the nature of most crests. They don’t always do what is needed or intended and can even inconvenience us at the worst time. I know that much from the Empire’s experiments.”

Well, that is certainly enlightening information.

* * *

Later, when they have returned to their rooms and Dimitri pointedly ignored his own to come straight to Claude’s, Claude thought about the unnaturalness of his crest. He thought about Linhardt’s fascinated expressions, about the strange sight when his body is healing, about the way some of the soldiers looked at him with envy.

He hasn’t been all that reckless in battle. For all that his strong healing crest might make people feel like they’re invincible, Claude would rather not find out that there was a detrimental consequence to using his crest during battle.

None of them will ever know how draining using his crest feels. He can’t exactly control the usage either. Crests always manifest their powers at odd times, though his often felt like it was on overdrive. Dimitri would have been able to relate, having to watch how much strength he had summoned nearly all the time back in the Academy, even lately he hasn’t been as mindful of that. Only when he was handling Claude, when they are very close, does he become more aware of his strengths.

He wound his arms around Dimitri’s head as Dimitri bit and sucked down his neck, leaving tingly marks that will be gone the next day.

It occurred to Claude a while ago that rough play in sex does not in fact activate his crest’s powers. Internal pain from being stretched makes no difference, but anything that breaks skin will. Which meant that Dimitri’s biting marks get deeper and deeper when he realized that he cannot keep them on Claude for too long, and Claude can only keep the healing ability away for so long, and thus he could never wear Dimitri’s marks proudly.

The fact that he lost this possibility thanks to those experiments make him a tiny bit irrationally angry. Being angry doesn’t solve his problems but conjuring the thought of punching his dark mage captors in their pointy bird faces alleviated his frustrations a tiny bit.

On the other hand, at least he didn’t have to wear a high neck or a scarf every time Dimitri bit him, which was every time they laid together. He knew Dimitri gets frustrated, that try as he might, he could not permanently mark Claude as his. The crest wouldn’t allow that. He couldn’t reassure Dimitri in that way, and so he does his best to show him in other ways.

Dimitri wound his hands on Claude’s waist, tight enough to leave bruises that will only stay for a little while, as he kissed lower down Claude’s thighs. He squirmed a bit but Dimitri’s grip was firm as he made his way to the inner thighs.

“D-Dima,” Claude gasped as fingers prodded at his entrance and he tightened his grip on the sheets. They have only done this once before, fumbling around in the dark, both blushing and flustering. It was more five years ago and Claude has dreamed of it a few times since.

It seemed Dimitri had also thought about it, as he continued to circle a little uncertainly around Claude’s hole, reminiscent of their time before.

Or he was waiting for the go-ahead, Claude realized. He reached up to pull Dimitri down to kiss him and shifted down to Dimitri’s hand upwards, silently signalling with his movements and a smile. It has been too long since they last did something like this and it seemed to fall into place now.

Dimitri’s fingers are long and they feel so good inside as they stretched Claude open. For all that Dimitri can be rough and almost animalistic in everything he does, he was always tender when he moved inside Claude. By the time he had three fingers insider, Claude was keening with desperation. He reached forward to stroke Dimitri, getting a hand on his considerable length and pleased at hearing him groan in pleasure.

Dimitri pressed in slowly, considerably, before Claude impatiently pulled him down by the neck.

“I won’t break that easily,” he whispered, and then drew him in for another kiss. They pulled apart and Dimitri regarded him with one darkened eye before nodding.

Dimitri pressed in all the way and the mix of pain and pleasure in the stretch had Claude feeling so alive, feeling himself tightening around Dimitri’s cock, and they both moaned in unison.

Then Dimitri began to move, and Claude unconsciously shifted to meet every thrust, enjoying the feeling of being filled, of feeling Dimitri inside him.

With each thrust, Dimitri tips a certain spot in Claude that made him clench his teeth or he would be certainly be screaming in pleasure. While Dimitri used his arms to balance himself around Claude, Claude reached down to his own length, though he didn’t have to do too much. One particularly hard thrust overwhelmed him, blanked his vision, and he was coming. His walls tightened up and he was clamping down hard enough on Dimitri that after a few more thrusts that tingled his oversensitive state, Dimitri was coming as well.

Too exhausted to do much more than wipe each other down and then climb into the cramped bed together, Claude managed to drift off to sleep after making sure Dimitri had finally found his rest too. It was crucial to his recovery, but it seemed he was only able to do so once he knows Claude is resting too.

If that is how Dimitri can come back to himself, then Claude will do all he can to keep it that way. To keep Dimitri focused on the present, to find other outlets when his heart feels like it will burst.

His own physical marks may heal fast but what he feels inside, and what he gets to experience with his body and with his heart, he gets to keep in his memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Person: Claude, I need you to-  
> Dimitri: *looms menacingly*  
> Person: I mean… Duke Riegan, could you clarify the information please?  
> Claude:   
> Dimitri:  
> Person:  
> Claude: Okay, let me see the letter…  
> \- Why does Fleche only appear on the Blue Lion route? Considering her motivation is to avenge her brother’s death, it would make sense to show up in GD as well. That’s puzzled me for a while and while I would like to write a confrontation between Fleche and Claude in this ‘verse, there isn’t time, ugh  
> \- I sort of headcanon Claude to be the type of person who, once he deems you worthy of trust, he will go many miles for you unless you betray him – he has this with Dimitri and as the first chapter indicated, there was no break of trust; Claude is a really good judge of character, he just has a hard time letting his own walls down but once he does... he can’t go back  
> \- This was supposed to be a cute Dimitri rescues Claude fic and somehow it turned into this storybuilding. I… I don’t know what happened, I guess we’re all along for the ride now


	4. to the world you see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers for the Paralogue: The Forgotten Hero, Marianne and Claude's A-support, and Marianne and Sylvain's B-support Ahead**
> 
> -
> 
> Forgotten Hero, remember who you truly are and lift the curse upon your blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Also as a note: there will be no Cindered Shadows in this fic as I had not planned for them in the beginning, and also... I still haven't gotten around to playing it so I honestly know very little about it at the moment, just so you know

_So the Wandering Beast was…._

_Maurice himself._

_He was roaming the dark woods for over a thousand years, suffering for his murderous past._

_It’s a good thing you were able to put an end to it, Marianne._

_It’s true… and because of that, I feel as though… my curse has been lifted. The blood of a beast no longer flows through me. I feel human for once._

Marianne paused in her steps at the entrance to Garreg Mach.

She wanted another moment to think about her fight with Marius, and the meaning she thinks it brought to her crest. She had given Blutgang to Byleth but knew she would likely be given the sword in a dire situation when her magic runs out, and while she had been practising sword techniques, she was still not confident about them.

And maybe she enjoyed the lance sessions she had with Hilda a little bit too much instead of practising with her sword. She wondered as her eyes lingered over green hair if perhaps she should ask Ignatz for advice. 

Those thoughts startled her, making her realize that perhaps she has already moved on from worrying about her crest to making the most out of it. Marianne smiled to herself upon the realization.

“Hey! Marianne! Your smile! It’s improved a lot!” Sylvain called at her, waving with that carefree smile of his. Marianne excused herself from her group and placated Hilda by promising to meet her afterwards. The rest of the Golden Deer, minus their leader who had hurried after Dimitri for something or another, moved further into the monastery. The Blue Lions who joined the trip had already disappeared inside.

Marianne approached Sylvain and made a short bow, “Thank you for coming to help me.”

Sylvain waved it off, “Nah, I would do anything to help a pretty girl like you.”

Marianne smiled serenely again, more used to Sylvain’s non-serious flirts and blustering then back when they were in the academy. “And yes, I have been practicing my smile, like you said, and I do feel stronger because I can smile.” 

Sylvain chuckled, “I’m glad I could help, but you could have asked your leader for the help though. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have minded taking a side trip for a good cause.” Considering both of their leaders did eventually come when Byleth asked, it was pretty evident they deemed helping Marianne lay the beast to rest as an important task.

“I… didn’t want to burden Claude with this, though I am grateful that he came to help all the same.” Marianne said. She knew. They all did. They knew about how all of their problems wore down their golden leader, even if he tried hard not to show it.

Sylvain frowned. He has seen Claude running around, working overtime as the leader of the Alliance and even in the capacity as the unofficial leader of the Blue Lions. In the early days, he had immediately stepped in and offered to help, could see the dark circles around Claude’s eyes. He knew that the brunet was covering both armies in making sure they were being taken care of while making the executive decisions at the same time.

Claude had taken him up on the offer, often coming to him for advice on how to deal with the Kingdom soldiers as they tended to work a bit differently from the Alliance. It was in those moments that Sylvain really resented Dimitri for pushing the situation this far. Lover or not, Claude was going above and beyond his normal duties for Dimitri’s sake. Sylvain knew and appreciated it all the same, which was why he stepped in to help. He was the one who knew his childhood friends and Faerghan behaviour best right?

All this and Claude hadn’t given up on personally helping Dimitri either. It showed because while Dimitri still fought like a man possessed, giving them all heart attacks when they saw him facing down with a demonic beast all on his own, Dimitri had begun to move about the monastery. It was slow progress but better than being on his own, succumbing to his own despair. Things were even better when Dedue returned, helping to keep the prince more tethered to the present, when Claude was too busy to pay as much attention.

Still, a small skeptical part of Sylvain wondered that, besides the obvious, what was Claude trying to accomplish? He felt like there was more to the Alliance leader’s ambitions, beyond waging this war for the future of the Kingdom and Alliance, or to even gain control of imperial lands, but he couldn’t figure out what. It was an interesting puzzle to think about. He liked Claude well enough but sometimes his mind couldn’t help but wonder.

He has also been looking for an opening to talk to Dimitri. Felix might be the better option to rip into the prince for neglecting his people but Sylvain knew of the regrets that haunted him. Felix would likely push the right buttons but choose the wrong things to emphasize. That has been obvious all these years he had known them both but he had continued to let it slide.

Marianna remained silent, watching him as he ran these thoughts through his head, and he realized he had let the silence go too long.

“Sorry, sorry, just… thinking.” Sylvain said sheepishly, and because he felt like he owed a better explanation for keeping her waiting, “About our dear leaders.”

Marianne blinked, “I understand.”

“Do you know about,” Sylvain faltered a bit, not sure if the words would offend the Golden Deer or not, “…what Claude wants to do?”

Marianne didn’t look offended at all. In fact, she gave a small smile at the thought, “I think Claude wants to build a better world.”

“Better than…?” It was Sylvain’s turn to blink.

“Better than what it is now,” Marianne answered. “For the longest time… I thought that I didn’t have a future, that I didn’t deserve to have one for being who I am.”

“Who you are huh?” Sylvain said, sounding slightly bitter. Marianne’s words struck an extremely sore point, and he had tried hard throughout his life to escape those thoughts, to escape those thoughts of feeling undeserved. That Marianne felt the same about herself, well, they have already proved that her crest wasn’t cursed. It must be a huge weight to come off her shoulders, knowing hers does not harm if she does not wish for it.

That Marianne struggled with her crest all her life… Sylvain has recently begun to realize that crests could hurt in many more ways than he could imagine. The anger that simmered within him rose in response and he tamped it back down like a flow of lava that occasionally boiled but has never left.

“Sylvain,” Marianne’s voice broke through his thoughts once more. “I want to tell you something that Claude told me, back when we were in the Academy.”

“The Academy?” Sylvain questioned.

“Yes, I had begun to despair of my crest even more when the war broke out, Claude came to me. ” Marianne spoke steadily. Sylvain remembered how she used to keep her head down and mumbled all her words. 

She really has improved after those five years and he was intrigued to hear what she has to say.

“I was… I was prepared to disappear somewhere so my crest would not hurt my friends and housemates but…”

“What did he say?” Sylvain asked gently.

Marianne raised her head a bit higher, a small smile formed on her lips, breathtaking as her eyes shone with pride, “Claude told me a story: about a boy who ran away from those who hated him for who he was. It was… not the happiest story,” she said with an apologetic nod.

“No matter where the boy ran,” she continued, “he was hated for some part of him that he could not control.”

Sylvain sensed something significant in this story. That Claude was not just telling this on a whim but that there was a connection there. Some sort of significance to this.

That, and the story eerily parallels his own feelings, growing up sandwiched between his father’s expectations and Miklan’s resentment.

“How… what does the boy do in the end?” Sylvain wondered aloud. 

Marianne’s eyes glimmered, “At the time I didn’t understand but… I think I do now. The boy who was hated no matter what he did… the only thing he could do is to cast aside his burdens and make his own path. That was the only way he thought he could do to ease it.” 

“I… could not cast aside my burdens so easily at first, but… I think it became easier after realizing I have support from my friends and classmates. I realized I could be of help to them and if I could be willing to take on my friends’ burdens, then… they could take some of mine.”

Marianne looked down, very reminiscent of what she used to do and which still lingers within her, “I didn’t want to be a burden, but as Claude said, everyone has them... so taking my own away from others will not help me, and it won’t help them either. So I asked myself: did I really want to do that?”

“You know…” Sylvain trailed, steeling himself to talk about something he never wants to say out loud. “I also hated my own existence. That I saw myself as a burden on others but I have to keep going for my friends and for all those who deserve the life that I have so I shouldn’t run away.”

“But maybe I’m also going about this all wrong. I am a burden, but it’s my choice as to where that burden will take me.”

Ingrid had been suffering under the burden of her family’s desires warring with her own, scarred by the fact that she lost her way out through Glenn. Felix turned his grief outwards, lashing out to avoid thinking about his own burdens and his own twisted love for king and country. 

And Dimitri… the Blue Lions have tried so hard to climb out of the hole their burdens have dug for them, even before coming to Garreg Mach, but Dimitri was the one whose surface was most fragile, and when it broke, it happened in the most devastating way.

In a way, he was kinda lucky though. It could have caused Claude to jump into the hole after him instead of pulling him up, and if that happened, then… everything would be lost.

As for himself, Sylvain shielded his burdens with a carefree persona. No burden to think about if he didn’t think, right? How far that would have gotten him before it all broke, well, he didn’t want to think about it.

He had always admired the seemingly carefree Golden Deer house, had at one point considered transferring if only to get away from the gloominess that hung over his own, but what he hadn’t realized was that the Deer struggled underneath their carefree personas. None of them were free of the burdens that bore down on them in life either, but they forged on, making each other stronger instead of detracting.

Hilda avoided expectations but had begun to embrace them with scary competence and less worrying about what others think. Lorenz came to realize that his friends and schoolmates were more important than upholding his pride. Ignatz has moved past his mixed feelings of being a knight rather than an artist, becoming a magnificent blend of both talents. Raphael chose to focus on what he has rather than what he didn’t and does not let that affect his goals to help and support his loved ones. Lysithea carried the burden of her family’s conflict and that only made her work harder, and Leonie never let her circumstances define her and always worked to make things better little by little.

Sylvain admired those strengths. He has seen the true strength of the Golden Deer house when most others would write them off. How, despite their odds, they continue on with quiet resolve, grow, and get stronger, heedless of what others think of them.

And through it all, their golden leader who grew into a person Sylvain admired. Whose smiles became more and more genuine even as the pressures of war bore down on his shoulders, who managed to find love and hope when Sylvain had thought there were none. Claude’s carefree smiles became the Golden Deer’s beacon.

Marianne smiled, a quiet but beautiful one, “I’m glad.” She said simply, hopefully, and Sylvain felt that hope swell within him as well. Marianne found her strength to live, and her smile is proof of her will to continue looking forward rather than backward.

He hoped that one day the smile he pasted would no longer be a fake one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The long awaited Marianne & Sylvain chapter! Marianne and Syvain achieved A-rank support!  
> \- In BL Chapter 18, Sylvain mentions that he still cannot forgive Dimitri for all the terrible things that he’s done but he will give him the chance (presumably to make up for it) since they were childhood friends so that got me thinking as to what would Sylvain of all people consider to be terrible  
> \- Completing Marianne’s paralogue came a bit late as it has been available for far sooner so that got me thinking that perhaps Marianne has been stalked by that irritating crest scholar for a long time because she didn’t want to burden her leader with yet another problem (oh Marianne…) so it wasn’t until Byleth finally caught on that they went on this mission (and gosh, having both lord units on the map? That would be a dream come true game-wise… but in this story, it didn’t quite go as smoothly)  
> \- Ahhhh this chapter made me stuck so I went and wrote Crazy Royal Kingdom to get me unstuck... but it only kinda worked? Anyways, I'll be working on this story now unless I decide to start CS and then the plot bunnies mob me or something  
> \- I’m sorry for the crest-obsessed talks (this did originate as a crest-kidnapping story after all) and I’m trying to move a bit beyond that since crests really do not define everyone and everything, but knowing more details about how this system worked has always fascinated me


	5. a vision of the one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between Heaven and Earth and his personal hell: Gronder Field

Dimitri has grown up understanding violence above all else. He knew how to wield his lance before he learned to write his own name. He was trekking through snow and ice before he even knew how to eat with a fork and knife. Conflicts are everywhere in his lands no matter if it was against people or against the forces of nature, and one day, it would be up to him to manage it all.

So Dimitri decided at a young age that he would not contribute to violence or conflict. That his ideals and resolve would lead by example to stop the cycle of violence. That he would become strong enough that no one could overtake him. This he vowed even as the world disintegrated into ashes around him.

But, perhaps the Goddess deemed him not strong enough, or she wanted to warn him by sending howling ghosts after him to remind him or warn him that if he is to misstep, he too will be consumed by the flames. The regrets of the dead were a heady thing.

Dimitri had to rely on others if he doesn’t want to burn, and the ghosts whisper this weakness to him. In his youth, he had never thought it a weakness to reach out to others but… he believed the punishment for failing to stop conflicts was his and his alone. 

He stood at arms length from everyone so that no one would have to deal with his own personal problems. His personal demons were for him and him alone to face.

However, the last prince of Faerghus would never have expected the whirlwind that is Claude von Riegan to breeze into his life, draw his focus, and turn every single emotion, every personal failing he ever felt upside down. He was someone completely different, not tied down to the past, someone whom the dead couldn’t touch. And once Dimitri accepted to know more about him… he was someone whom the dead couldn’t trust. 

Yet, once Dimitri got to know more about Claude, none of the dead had arguments that held any water anymore and eventually the voices ceased whenever he was near Claude - getting caught up conversation with him, training with him, or just being with him. The storm of emotions overwhelmed the ghosts and left Dimitri in breathless silence.

Dimitri knew his emotions were strong but suppressing them has never helped, so instead he bore through them while still keeping his strongest emotions under control. Yet, the ones he feels for Claude, his golden light and shining emeralds, he has never been able to control well, if at all. The ghosts taunt him for that, but Dimitri had already wrenched from their ghastly hands this little spot of happiness for himself. It was too late to turn back.

Perhaps this was another test from the goddess. If so, it was one he was failing yet again because his love for Claude von Riegan is all-consuming. It pulls him out from the ghosts of his past into yet another storm to weather, but one that he _will_ weather with all his might. Let it sharpen him, and as the howls fade into whispers he realized that strength truly was easier to attain when he had someone to share it with.

Standing in the middle of Gronder Field, the memories of his past failures and future accomplishments clash in the most violent manner yet.

Edelgard stood between them. Between Heaven and Earth, and the gate of his personal hell.

“As far as class reunions go, this is the worst one yet,” Claude murmured next to Dimitri, also not taking his eyes off the red clad figure in the distance.

“Years ago we fought here as classmates, but not today…” Edelgard trailed, straddling a small trace of remorse, but Dimitri could not bring himself to trust either of those emotions. If he did, he would lose to the maelstrom swirling inside him. Instead, he looked to the side, at the figure swathed in elegant gold standing, tense and serene at the same time, next to him, memorizing the vision and steeling himself for when he will need it.

“Claude.” He said with barely a sound but his partner has always been sharp, was already listening.

“Stay alive,” Claude whispered, green eyes downcast. He knew that there will be costs today, “I know you want to get to her and we will. But we cannot if you die.”

The ghosts raged on one side, shouting for her head. Claude and his friends, Dedue, Ingrid, Felix, Sylvain… they stand on the other, and they silently plead to him.

Dimitri is keenly aware that he had failed his vows to stop conflict and bloodshed from long ago as the wailing shouts for Edelgard’s head increase in volume, but… his ideals.

They haven’t turned to ash just yet.

The first fireballs rained down on them, a vision of gold in his mind and eye, and Dimitri roared defiantly. 

Just try to stop him now.

* * *

Flames and smoke clouded his vision and he tried not to choke. Edelgard had known that he and Dimitri were allied with one another in the war with much success. Even if she wasn’t completely sure of it, her past knowledge in knowing that they had been together before the war started had given her enough to go on.

The Empire was fighting against Kingdom rebels, Alliance forces, and the Church faction, so it was almost understandable that she would immediately send Demonic beasts and lit up traps to even the playing field. Still, the might of the imperial army itself should not be underestimated.

Even in midair, it was difficult to survey the battle. Claude deftly flew upwards to avoid some arrows as he searched for a certain individual that Caspar had said would be there.

“Claude! I see her!” Ferdinand called from atop his horse and Claude dove in the direction the red head was wildly waving at. 

“Lorenz, I need you to cover me. Marianne, prepare to cast a lot of ice spells just in case we start feeling the heat.”

After getting affirmations from his two housemates, Claude propelled forward. A flash of violet passed his eyes and he knew he was on the right trail.

“Bernadetta!” He called out, “Stop! I don’t want to fight you!” He landed on the old battlement, what was once a strategic outpost for practise lookouts was now in flames.

“S-stay away!” A familiar voice rang out, and Claude had to push up out of the way to avoid being shot, “I will protect Lady Edelgard, I… i-it’s my duty!”

Claude swung around and then he saw her: Bernadetta crouching at the top, contorting herself into a small space as only she knew how, where the fire cannot reach past the small barrier of the space.

He stared at her for only a millisecond, mindful of the flames still threatening to hit him from all sides. “Are you planning to shoot from there?”

“Y-yes!” Bernedetta stood up, before realizing she was surrounded by flames and she instinctively cowered, lowering her bow, “I-I… I will do that! I will protect my post until the very end!”

Claude groaned. Even people like Bernadetta insist on fighting until they die? He thought she would… he had supposed she had dreams of living the rest of her life as a recluse or something like that. What happened to doing that? 

“I’m running out of time so we’re going to have to do this the hard way.” He steered his wyvern to circle around and then...

On his command and with excellent timing, they hovered into range, careful of the flames still licking at them and then his wyvern reached out, plucking Bernadetta from the ground.

* * *

While half of the field dealt with the increasing danger of forest fires and clashing with rampant soldiers, Dimitri ran through the untouched forests, flanked by Dedue and Felix. Ingrid and Sylvain took up the rear to cover the small party.

Dimitri could not think of anything else but to reach Edelgard. She had to answer for her crimes, and if judgment swings, she will pay for them.

Dimitri may not be the executioner either. Over the past moons, he has come to terms with that possibility. One more life. One more ghost to add to his family of spectres. More regrets.

He tried to keep that in his head. Tried to ignore the simmering rage still boiling within. Tried to recall warmth and sunlight. Then something big landed in front of them, halting their advance. It roared in his face but he didn’t flinch.

A demonic beast. Smaller than the ones he faced down in the Edmund Woods, but still no less fierce.

The perfect thing to take his wildly suppressed rage out on. Perhaps enough to limit the fire before he would have to face Edelgard. 

Dimitri took out Areadbhar and swung at the beast.

* * *

Bernadetta wailed through the air as they flew up and above the fires and back toward the Alliance base.

“HELP! ASSAULT! KIDNAP! DON’T-DON’T LET ME FALL! DON’T DROOOP MEEEE!”

Claude sighed, “Okay Ferdinand, she’s your problem now. I have to find a certain Blue Lions’ man.” With that, his wyvern dropped Bernadetta in an impressive fluid motion and she found herself landing atop the reins of Ferdinand’s mount.

“Ferdinand!” She squeaked, staring at him, “You’re okay?! I’ve been worried about you!”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be safe with me,” Ferdinand reassured her, and that was all Claude heard before he took off to survey the destruction of the fields once more.

A second wyvern flew up to him and he relaxed minutely, “Hilda, what’s the situation?”

“Marianne and Lorenz are going to come with me,” Hilda replied immediately, “The Professor is keeping Petra from advancing on the other side of the battlement. No one from us is on that burning piece of wood as far as I can tell.”

That’s a relief. He knew that Teach would be able to handle Petra and would hold back from a lethal kill on a former student. Claude nodded approvingly, “Where’s everyone else?”

“I know Linhardt had set up a healing station which is where Ferdinand is going to go next, but Caspar has been itching to fight… even though he said he didn’t want to,” Hilda sounded faintly annoyed at that. “I told him that when Leonie and Raphael come by, he can join them. I’m pretty sure between the two of them, they can watch over Caspar. Ignatz is guarding the healing station, but he says so far only a few imperial soldiers have strayed there so we should be fine.”

“What about the Blue Lions?” 

“Annette and Mercedes are on the field doing emergency healing, but Ashe just told me Dimitri and company are fighting a demonic beast.”

A roar was heard in the distance and they turned in the direction of the woods.

“Dammit,” Hilda sighed and immediately flew off to help, motioning to her battalions, Lorenz, and Marianne as well, to follow her.

Claude grinned to himself. Evidently, he would have to create more clever plans if his second-in-command could already read his mind on the battlefield.

He was about to go after her when something odd on the field caught the corner of his eye.

“Now that’s strange,” he mused out loud, “What are Kingdom soldiers doing over there?”

* * *

Trees toppled and crashed as the Blue Lions and their battalions fought not only one but two demonic beasts. From behind them, Lysithea and Cyril came to support their battle, only to be waylaid by blasts from Hubert’s spells. Dimitri couldn’t see from his spot where he was locked with the jaws of the snarling beast, but he was aware that there was magic being flung about behind him.

On the other side, Sylvain let out a series of fire spells into the beast’s side, distracting it enough to loosen its hold on Dimitri’s lance. Felix jumped in with a precise slash while Ingrid dove in to strike from above in a two front pincer attack.

“Dedue!” Dimitri shouted, knowing that the beast was headed straight for Sylvain and his armoured friend was already moving, immediately placing his shield in front of a claw before retaliating with his axe, cleaving into the face of the beast, and the beast roared in pain. Dedue was unharmed from the attack, absorbing the hit with ease.

Felix grunted as the swing of the second claw went in his direction but he held up Aegis, getting only a single scratch as his relic protected him.

Ingrid pulled back and, at Dimitri’s signing, flew off to help Lysithea and Cyril deal with Hubert a bit further away from them.

A rain of arrows suddenly pierced the beast’s head from above and Dimitri looked up, thinking it was Claude but he caught the flash of silver hair instead.

“Ashe! Where is Rodrigue?” He knew Ashe was supposed to be with Rodrigue’s forces.

“Raphael, Leonie, and Gilbert caught up to him. They are somewhere ahead fighting another Demonic Beast. The Professor is also on their way to help Lysithea.” Ashe called back.

Just them? Where was Claude? Was Bernadetta giving him more trouble than he expected?

Before he could ask Ashe for more recon information, the Demonic beast swiftly grabbed a tree and uprooted it with ease. In an instant, it was tossing at Dimitri and his entire body collided with the tree trunk. Wood splinters flew everywhere.

“Your highness!” He could hear shouts from all around as he staggered in pain from the force of the tree, before a warm healing light engulfed him. A familiar sounding voice spoke softly in his ear, “Are you alright?”

He turned to see Marianne as she glowed with healing magic, with Lorenz and Hilda behind.

“Claude sent us to help,” Hilda said brightly, and Dimitri relaxed just a tiny bit.

“Ignatz and Annette have likely caught up to the other group also fighting a Demonic beast,” said Lorenz, “Let us finish this up before Claude can even get here.”

“But I don’t want to have to face Hubert,” Hilda whined even as she swung her axe around into a ready position. They could hear the dying sounds of the Demonic beast as Felix, Sylvain, and Dedue finished the beast they were fighting off.

The sound of wings flapping alerted them to Ashe descended and dismounted his wyvern. “Actually, Lysithea just told me that Hubert has retreated, and it looks like Leonie and the others have also defeated the other beast.

So the other threats were now gone, much as it was annoying that Edelgard’s shadow will still be around to later complicate things. Still, that wasn’t his goal. Dimitri turned his head north. 

It was time to face the Emperor herself.

* * *

The world held its breath.

Among the rubbles of a broken ruin, the red Emperor stood. The legendary Aymr clenched in her hands as she surveyed the field with a blank face.

Dimitri took one step closer. It was only him in visible focus. He made sure the others hung back, despite protests from Rodrigue and everyone else. 

This was a test. A test of his own resolve. His madness was not fully cleared away, but while he still had the strength to do it, the ghosts will not get in his way. The ghosts though, might get their way, if Edelgard dies today.

Edelgard doesn’t turn around, “Shouldn’t Claude be here to hold your leash?”

Dimitri ignored her stinging words and thrust Areadbhar forward, “It is time for you to face judgment, Emperor.”

This time, Edelgard turned to face him fully. Her violet eyes flashed but she spoke calmly, “Very well. If defeating you is what I must do, then I will.”

Dimitri snarled, allowing some of his rage to take over, propelling him forward to strike hard, and strike true. Edelgard raised her rather oversized axe, and the two relics clashed in a whispered scream that echoed over the plain.

“Your path of bloodshed ends here!” Dimitri shouted, and Areadbhar spun horizontally as he attempted to get his weapon under Aymr.

“So that you can continue yours?” Edelgard retorted, flipping the head of her axe at an angle where Dimitri would have to step aside to avoid being shredded by the head. Dimitri took the step and then immediately spun back, jabbing Areadbhar forward and just barely grazing Edelgard’s side.

It was just a graze but it was enough to make her gasp and stagger back. The strength of the relics made even just a knick be enough to cause much pain. Dimitri swung again as she faltered and this time Areadbhar was faster than Aymr and he grazed Edelgard’s shoulders.

Dimitri pointed his weapon forward, “Surrender, Edelgard. We will wring all the answers we seek from your neck, and then you will face your execution.”

“So… that is your plan,” Edelgard huffed, slightly from her bleeding wounds. “I wonder if you are truly doing this of your own free will. Is the last Prince of Faerghus now a dog of the Duke’s?”

“Do not talk about him like that,” Dimitri snarled once more, enraged. The ghosts egg him on, Edelgard’s words drove him into a furor, and he surged forward.

Edelgard’s impassive eyes stared back at him, and that was all he saw as it vanished into a cloud of black smoke.

She got away.

She got. She-

Dimitri screamed in fury as he tumbled into nothing and nearly lost his footing.

“Your Highness!” He could hear multiple shouts as the rest of the Blue Lions and Golden Deer emerged from the trees now that Edelgard and her forces were gone from the clearing.

“She got away,” Dimitri repeated.

“She was wounded,” Felix replied bluntly, “The rest of the army is also retreating.”

“I believe this battle is won by the Kingdom,” said Gilbert, nodding to Areadbhar.

“Combined with the efforts of the Alliance,” Lorenz added, looking slightly off put.

Dimitri stabbed Areadbhar into the ground without a second thought, “Indeed. All uninjured soldiers to me, we will chase down the weakened Empire at this opportune time-”

“Has anyone seen Claude?” Hilda shouted as she swiftly flew in, interrupting him, “I can’t find him anywhere!”

Behind her, Leonie scanned the skies, but her sharp eyes did not see even a speck, “Was he shot down? I thought I saw…”

From the bushes nearby, Ignatz burst out into the clearing in a panic, “I saw! I saw soldiers in Kingdom colours! They shot his wyvern down and…”

“WHAT?!” Dimitri roared, stalking over to Ignatz, “what happened? Tell me exactly what happened.”

Ignatz shivered slightly. He wasn’t normally scared of Dimitri, but having all of him looming over, dripping in blood and sweat in heavy armour, made for quite the intimidating picture without his house leader around to defuse the intensity of his glares. “They… I was too far away to do anything but I saw that they... They dragged him off.”

Dimitri ran past him, frantically pushing the branches into folding like wet tissue and burst out onto the rest of the plains. In the distance, he could see the retreating backs of a group of the Kingdom soldiers over the hill.

“Halt!” He shouted the order at their backs, infused with as much authority as a king could. The soldiers stiffened, and then, continued to move away even quicker. They were clearly not Kingdom soldiers sworn to their royal liege.

“Sylvain, Ingrid, after them!” Dimitri ordered when the rest of the party caught up to him.

“No, wait a moment Your Highness,” Gilbert said, halting the order. “We are scattered and need to regroup.”

“But Claude-“

“If we go after them now, weakened as we are from the battle, we will die in the attempt to rescue him,” Gilbert said, calmly in the face of his liege’s anger.

Byleth walked shakily over. They could barely hold onto the Sword of the Creator after fighting so hard but they managed to reach Dimitri, showing him with as much comfort as they could muster. “Don’t worry, we will get him back.”

“Your Highness!” Rodrigue burst onto the scene from the other side, “The Imperial army is retreating, we must either regroup or take action right now.”

“You are late, old man,” Felix muttered, shaking his head while Sylvain stifled a laugh.

Dimitri turned to his various schoolmates and soldiers scattered about, “We must find out where those soldiers are taking Claude. Those who are not injured or exhausted will be sent out as scouts.”

Ashe flew in closer on his wyvern, “I can do it.” He volunteered immediately, before changing course. It was imperative that they do this fast or lose track of the soldiers.

“Wait, Ashe, it’s too dangerous to do that alone,” Ingrid circled in from the sky and protested.

“Felix?” Dimitri asked, wondering if his old friend would be willing after being dragged this far.

“I’ll go,” Felix nodded, stalking after Ashe without another word.

Ignatz raised a hand, “Me too. I can blend in.”

Hilda nodded without even glancing at Dimitri and Ignatz quickly went on his way after the other two. Claude’s second-in-command landed her wyvern and came up to Dimitri with the important question, “What should we do now?”

Dimitri knew as well as she did that both of them would instinctively want to go after Claude, but she was asking due to the precarious situation they were in, and simply out of respect for Dimitri's station since, without Claude, the Alliance army does not have to stay with Dimitri.

Gronder Field was won by the Kingdom and Alliance and the Empire was retreating. Dimiti was well aware of the dilemma he now faced.

This was an opportune time to strike.

Or they too will have to retreat.

Their army loss was great, but the imperial army was also weakened. This could be their biggest chance.

Which way to turn?

Dimitri stood on the precipice, of golden skies or raining blood, of happy smiles or unjust pain. He needed to decide.

Which way to fall?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- YOU KNOW, I WROTE ALMOST THE WHOLE CHAPTER AND THEN WAS LIKE, I FORGOT BYLETH EXISTED, PRESS F IN THE CHAT OMFG  
> \- Then I was like, oh yeah Petra is also here, I tend to forget cause she retreats just like Hubert  
> \- This chapter was inteeeense, and I didn’t really get to showcase any of Claude’s healing crest abilities but I guess that’s just how Gronder Field goes  
> \- Anyways, my third FE3H fic and it’s the third time I got Claude kidnapped… apparently I have a brand now?
> 
> Man... I wanna give my twitter handle but I'm... still too scared to make this link?  
> Would anyone even want it?


	6. say you'll bring me along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Alliance Leader is too demanding and the prince is too soft-hearted” Dimitri wanted to wring their necks for continuing to belittle Claude even when he wasn’t there. 
> 
> They march on Fhirdiad.

Claude wondered if at some point he should’ve included ‘lunatic witch ruling over Faerghus throwing her twisted hand forward to ruin things’ into his carefully crafted plans.

It made sense in the beginning that, despite all the arguing behind closed doors, that they should bring the war to a close before marching to the Kingdom to free its people. It pained Claude to have to shrewdly decide that the people of Faerghus would have to suffer a little longer so that the war could be ended, but at least they weren’t being threatened or slaughtered by imperial threat.

But it was better, strategically, to go after the Empire before more lives were lost than it would be to go to Fhirdiad. The Empire could have at any time taken advantage of their distraction to go after more Kingdom or Alliance territory, or even worse, ambush them after an exhausting battle to take back the city.

Gilbert and Rodrigue had acquiesced to Claude’s rational arguments only because Dimitri was completely in favour of going after Edelgard in the first place. Rodrigue being a little more understanding of the arguments presented while Gilbert’s protests died immediately after Dimitri spoke in favour.

Later on, Dimitri had insisted all of Claude’s plan made more sense so there was no more discussion about it as they headed deeper into Imperial territory

It did make sense. They took over Myrrdin, securing Gloucester and Ordelia from Imperial threat, and then they managed to win Gronders by a miracle, even when going up against well trained Imperial might and Demonic beasts. Now though, Claude looked around at his surroundings, the armies would have to make a decision.

They hadn’t accounted for traitorous Kingdom soldiers infiltrating the ranks using some kind of impersonation magic similar to what Kronya had done all those years ago. He suspected it had to be the work of those mysterious mages who allied themselves with the Empire. Perhaps they were always part of the Empire. Claude wished he had time back in the Academy to at least talk to Edelgard to see what she knew, about what transpired in his kidnapping so long ago. Was she involved? Did she know Claude and Dimitri were getting closer and set those bandits on them? Was it simply to just take out the Alliance leader so she only had to deal with the Kingdom?

That wouldn’t answer why the mages would go so far as to experiment on Claude when it would be easier to kill him. There were still so many questions he had, about the Empire, about the Church, about crests, divine weapons, demonic beasts…

And why did Cornelia, the Regent of Fhirdiad, kidnap him?

He had at first thought maybe to demoralize the Alliance-Kingdom forces, but then again, he wasn’t dead which would have actually been the easier route. His second thought was maybe to bait Dimitri into coming here, which, annoying, but possible.

He got his answer though when Cornelia sneered at him and passed him off to some very familiar looking bird masked mages, and then they locked him in a room where everything seemed to be made of some material he has never seen before. He poked a nearby object and it gave him a tingling sensation. Alarm bells rang in his head, and he listens to them very often. They have saved his life on multiple occasions and he trusts that they would help save him from anything worse.

“Alright, note to self, do not touch,” Claude muttered to himself. The deafening quiet of the room gave a ringing in his ears so he broke the quiet immediately. In the corner of the room was Failnaught, also retrieved by the soldiers but why did they allow him to keep it?

He has so many questions racing in his mind, but at least he could guess that Cornelia’s answer was likely two-fold: to lure Dimitri to Fhirdiad, and for the bird mages they were allied with to continue doing their untold experiments on him.

Now trapped in a room that had no doors but there was a distinctive magical barrier and strange magical equipment, all Claude could do was wait.

* * *

Dimitri wanted to scream out loud, a reaction that he has learned to suppress with years of practise, yet it was never easy. He slipped up more often than not, but today it was much more trying. He was impatient but also extremely frustrated.

Of course, he knew he could not actually do that right at this moment. It wouldn’t be fitting of someone who is leading two armies. Two massive armies now that more of the Alliance lords were in their favour, and he was now their de facto leader and not to mention, the prince of their neighbouring land they sometimes disputed with. It was a miracle they were all cooperating in the first place.

How did Claude manage this? Dimitri wanted to ask that but then the ghosts would immediately cling to the question and berate him for his inadequacy. For being incapable of doing what Claude can. He had witnessed the balancing act that his beloved would conduct in Alliance meetings before that he navigated with his sharp wit and subtle maneuvers. 

Heedless of their words this time, Dimitri didn’t mind that Claude seemed to be the more capable ruler between them even as his ghosts continued with their scathing words. The Goddess granted them both the qualities of leadership, but it seemed Dimitri’s own skills were lacking.

“Your Highness,” Dedue’s voice snapped him out of his spiralling thoughts. “We are approaching the gates.”

Already? Dimitri looked ahead and indeed, the aching familiarity of those walls and gates of Fhirdiad loomed in the distance. When Ashe’s scouting party reported to him that the unknown soldiers were headed to Fhirdiad, the regrets he pushed down came back to the surface.

Whether his beloved would agree with prioritising rescuing him or not, Dimitri had always intended to return to his home city eventually. Even though the desire had been long buried in blood, guilt, and darkness, it was never snuffed out. It was an opportunity to liberate both who mean so much to him that he would be a fool to pass up everything that truly mattered to him.

He was no longer that fool who chased after Edelgard without a single care. He was startled to realize that was the whole truth. Had proved it even, on the fields of Gronder.

Felix rode up to report, breaking Dimitri’s thoughts with one knowing glare, “None of the civilians have been evacuated,” he said with clear disdain in his voice. Nobody liked the sound of that, it meant Cornelia intended to use them as shields.

Ingrid flew her Pegasus closer to the ground, “Ashe and I detected archers inside and on the battlements.” That meant all of the flyers will have to dismount for this battle, limiting their mobility and surveillance.

Lysithea, who was nearby with Hilda and Marianne, stepped up to also report, “I detect a magical barrier on the eastern side, and… those dark mages again.”

“Again?” Hilda complained, “That will be such a pain!”

Raphael scrunched his face in disgust and punched the palm of his fist, “I’ll knock those guys out and this time I won’t hold back.”

There was a general murmuring of agreement from the former Golden Deer. All of them remembered the mission from years ago and at the time, they listened to their professor’s orders to avoid conflict (Dimitri’s brief slaughter notwithstanding).

Now though, with the raised stakes and the backdrop of a war, they rose to the call: To fight for the leader who had been fighting for them all this time.

Dimitri nodded, a plan forming in his head from the information gathered and the motivation of his former schoolmates, “Very well. We will have to divide our attention: one to distract Cornelia while the other will rescue Claude. This will be both a rescue and a frontal assault, and by the end of this, we will have Claude and Fhirdiad back.” He spoke with a confidence 

“We will create teams uniquely suited to the task. The rescue team will be led by Lysithea. It will be a smaller group for infiltration purposes and I need magic resistors on this team: Ingrid, Ignatz, Annette, Mercedes and…”

Hilda gave him a rueful smile, knowing what his unspoken question was, “You’re not wrong that Ignatz is the best we have in the Golden Deer for magic resistance. The next best ones we have are Claude, Marianne, and Lorenz.”

Dimitri inwardly cringed at that and nodded in understanding. He had faith the small group will pull through., “We will need at least one healer for the other group so I hope you will come with us for support, Marianne.”

“I will,” Marianne nodded, a determined look on her face.

“The rest of us will be the diversion. Sylvain and Lorenz, the both of you will have to mix magic and melee to be an effective distraction.”

Sylvain winked, “An effective distraction is a good look on me.” Lorenz snorted, surprising himself with the sound.

“Ashe, we will likely need you to gather more information. Cornelia is bound to have more tricks up her sleeves.”

Ashe nodded. That was the reason he was not assigned to the other group.

“Leonie, Raphael, and Hilda, I would like the three of you to cover for Sylvain and Lorenz. We will definitely need the back-up.”

Instead of complaining, Hilda nodded along with Raphael and Leonie as they shuffled over next to Sylvain and Lorenz.

“Felix, Dedue, with me at the front,” Dimitri nodded to them, “We will join up with the Professor and the others and ride up to the very gates of Fhirdiad. The false regent Cornelia will fall today!”

“Yes!” The group raised their weapons in solidarity and cheer, and the infiltration team quickly scattered for their dangerous rescue operation.

* * *

“Goddess above, just what are those things?” Ingrid whispered as her group made their way concealed in shadows of Lysithea’s making. A few feet away loomed a strange statue with an ominous face, carved from a wood-like colour but obviously closer to some kind of metal. The small movements it made creaked which made it seem sentient, yet it did make a move towards them. Its face was unseeing.

“I don’t know,” Annette whispered back uneasily. “I would have to get closer to study them but…”

“Don’t get closer,” Lysithea commanded, “They will focus their attention on us.”

Ignatz also looked worried as he watched one of them move back and forth with that strange buzzing sound, “What if they notice us then? What do we do?”

“We can let Dimitri and the others get their attention and then sneak by?” Mercedes suggested.

Lysithea nodded, “The magical barrier should be near. We need to get to that side of the wall and then I can probably sense it.” She pointed at the far side of the fortress they were sieging.

There was a loud boom all of a sudden coming from a different part of the inner walls and the strange statue swivelled its attention toward the sound. After a moment, they moved away from their corner to where more booming noises started to build up. Annette thought she saw Ashe’s head pop up for a second, likely gathering information on how to counter the statue, but he disappeared in the next instant.

“Looks like Sylvain’s magic drew their attention,” she said softly, and the group continued to move forward with wariness for any sudden sounds or movements.

Lysithea pressed herself against the wall and ran a gloved hand along it, “It’s here,” she said. “The barrier is so close. We need to find a way past this wall.”

“There’s a switch over here,” Ignatz waved from where he stood next to a strange lever, “Could this help?”

Ingrid planted herself at the front of the group, “Pull the switch Ignatz, I’ll watch for any traps or ambushes.”

Ignatz pulled the lever and a section of the wall fell away, startling some people behind the wall. All of them tensed up as they stared at the black robes of several mages. They could hear screaming coming from behind - Claude’s screams.

Lysithea lit up her hands with deep purple light and growled menacingly. “You are going to regret everything you have ever done.”

* * *

He didn’t know when it started, only that moving anywhere, touching anything, hurt so much. Some kind of energy pulsed through him, lighting up his crest, and the bright yellow healing light flowed out of him without his will. When he held onto the nearby post to keep upright, the energies intensified. His mind telling him to get away or he would be even worse off.

He recoiled back from touching anything in the room, but the air was charged, and so he crouched over, trying to be as small as possible.

It hurt. His skin remained unblemished.

But he can’t stop his screams of pain.

* * *

“We have a problem,” Byleth said calmly, staring down at the soldiers. A few of them had scattered after they cut the rest of them with their sword but now, Byleth recognized that some of the few who were injured came back completely healed, and very quickly too.

“But I thought we sniped all of the mages?” Leonie protested as she steered her horse back towards the main group, “Did we miss some? Do they have a hidden supply somewhere?”

Dimitri gazed at the soldiers in the back, rushing to some sort of unusual rod sticking. He definitely has not seen that before in Fhirdiad. What sort of trap did Cornelia spring on them?

“We need to reach that post,” he said, nodding towards the post, “Clear the place out!”

Above them, Ashe was already making his way through a simple shortcut of squeezing between the wall and the ledge, his path completely clear and he picked his way while the rest of the group kept the enemy soldiers from noticing him. He made it to the strange rod after picking off the soldier standing there with a well-placed arrow.

Standing in front of the rod, Ashe squinted at the strange object sticking out of stone cracks. He had seen the soldiers touching it, and despite himself, Ashe found himself reaching out and touching the object with some apprehension. A strange tingling feeling enveloped him, one that felt kind of familiar and then a light shined above. He bolted upright.

Ashe drew out his barely used axe, knowing that it would be more effective and he called out with barely suppressed anger.

“Professor! Your Highness! This… this thing! I recognize the feeling when I touch it and… the light… it’s Claude’s crest!”

“Claude’s crest?” Byleth quickly finished off a nearby soldier and turned their attention to the conversation, “What was the feeling like, Ashe?”

Ashe’s face scrunched up, contorting into a rarely seen rage, “It’s transferring his healing ability to anyone who touches this item.”

Dimitri’s face immediately darkened, “A conduit for magic, repurposed to tap into using crests as a source of energy. I had no idea such a thing was possible.”

His words painted a worrying picture in Byleth’s head. How much power were they drawing from Claude to do such a mass scale of healing? 

Evidently Dimitri had the same thought as he shouted the order to Ashe to destroy the object immediately and to look for any others. Byleth spotted Lorenz and asked him to help safely dispose of the remaining pieces with his magic so that not a single evidence of its existence can be seen.

Once that was done, Dimitri looked to the top of the battlements, “Cornelia,” he growled, a simmering bowl of heated anger that threatened to overflow his hard won self-control, “You will pay for all you have done.”

It was a vow Dimitri made that took him all the way into the final confrontation, and the battle for Fhirdiad.

* * *

Another explosion boomed but Claude couldn’t hear it over the sounds of his hoarse voice screaming in pain. His throat had no more to give and any energy he still had at all was put into staying upright, avoiding any physical touch with anything in the room that would amplify the pain even more.

He couldn’t hear the magical barrier dissipated, couldn’t register the disappearing humming sound that settled in the back of his ear.

His vision was blurry but a vision of long silvery-white hair entered it. The pain ceased and his knees buckled in relief, and then he blacked out.

“CLAUDE!”

* * *

Dimitri gently knocked on the door, and to his surprise, a clear voice answered, “Come in.”

It has been a week since they took back Fhirdiad, after Cornelia died gloating about Patricia’s role in his past. While Dimitri hated that he still did not have complete answers to the mysteries of his tragedy, what he hated more was how Cornelia nearly destroyed his future too.

It was extremely lucky that Lysithea and Ingrid’s group was able to recover Claude as fast as they did. Nobody has ever seen such exhaustion due to crest overuse that they had to send for Hanneman and Linhardt in order to assess the extent of the damage and whether or not Claude could recover from such strenuous use.

The irony of the idea that Claude’s self-healing could actually kill him was a thought Dimitri tried desperately hard not to think about. 

Towards the end of that intense week, the healers and their resident crest scholars declared that Claude would survive but he required more rest and to not overuse his throat for a while. Dimitri stayed by his beloved’s bedside every free moment he got, he had more free time than usual since he had put off Fhirdiad’s welcoming ceremony for now, citing recovery being more important. In truth, he didn’t want to do one without Claude awake to see it.

Dimitri opened the door and found Claude sitting up and he hurried forward, “Claude, you are alright.”

Claude smiled and waved, “Hey, looks like I’m still alive, and you rescued me again.”

Dimitri walked a few steps closer, taking in the sight. Claude looked uninjured, but then, that has always been his natural state. What clearly alarmed him was the strain in his smile.

“You… Claude, are you truly alright?” He asked again. He wondered if Claude was embarrassed by the whole ordeal, or perhaps the pain left an internal scar on his mind. He halted his thoughts before they ran that far, because if there was one thing he knew Claude could not bear, it would be the damage to the brilliant mind inside his head.

“Please tell me what is on your mind,” Dimitri asked almost desperately when Claude is too silent for too long.

“I didn’t want to be another one of your burdens.” Claude finally said, carefully choosing his words. It took a second for Dimitri to understand the small regrets seeping out from his tone, rare to hear and must be treated with care.

“You are no burden to me Claude.”

“Maybe not, but I would never want to ask you for more than you can bear.”

Dimitri went silent, perhaps surprised and not knowing how to answer. Claude was grateful for the rescue, he most certainly was, but he knew how difficult it must have been to make the decision, to come after him instead of his pressing desire to go after Edelgard. His ghosts must be screaming very harshly at Dimitri now.

“But if I can ask one thing…” Claude started, and Dimitri immediately swivelled his attention back to him.

“I would ask for just one thing from you is that I want you to live the life you want to live, Dima. Both the living and the dead ask for much from us, but the burden is our own, it is what we choose to carry for ourselves. No one else can ask you to carry theirs, only you can decide if you will take it or not.”

Dimitri’s blue eye went wide at that, “Claude…”

“That’s why I do not want to be another burden to you.”

“I…” Dimitri seemed to struggle to get his words, “I wanted to. That is why we came to rescue you.”

Claude’s smile turned softer, “That’s the difference between us. I only do things when there is a benefit to me, but you… you are different.”

“No.”

Claude looked up, surprised by how firm the dissent was given. Dimitri stepped forward and finally pulled Claude into his arms, breathing in deeply.

“I am the selfish one,” Dimitri said as he stroked Claude’s head in soothing strokes, feeling soft brown curls under his careful touch. “I have been paying more attention to the wishes of the dead. I could not realize just how much it hurt the ones who live, the ones I still care for. My mind had been… a mess, and you helped me to anchor it. You helped me see what I still have and can do with it. I am stronger than… the voices now when I no longer cling to them. I relied on you so much and never even thanked you for it.”

“You work very hard to fight this war, to keep us all alive,” Dimitri continued, voice wavering slightly but he was resolute in his words. “I didn’t… I should have been helping you all this time. This was a selfish decision because I… I need you.”

It was as close as either of them have gotten to saying ‘I love you,’ and they both reeled from it.

“Dimitri,” Claude said, breathing softly, shuddering a little in Dimitri’s arms at the sheer passion in his words. He almost couldn’t handle it.

“What you’ve done before was only because you believe that was what the others would want. I only want you to know that your life is your own. What I do…Everything I do is for my own reason too.”

“For your dreams, correct?” It seemed that Dimitri could see through Claude, see his motivations, see through his acts, almost everything.

Claude let out a wet laugh, “Nothing gets by you does it?”

“I was too wrapped up in myself to notice how difficult it has been for you. You are right that I should get to decide what is mine to bear. Yours are mine as well and that is non-negotiable.” Dimitri replied with firm decree, a touch of shame in his voice, but mostly resolved in carrying out his belief.

Claude reached up to touch his cheeks, looking happier than he has been in a long time.

“Dimitri… do you remember when we spoke about our dreams? What we wanted to accomplish in the future?”

Dimitri furrowed his brow, “I wished to rebuild Duscur and you said we should be building peace with all of Fodlan and beyond.”

Claude nodded, “Yes, but there is something else I haven’t told you about. Another big part of my dream.”

“You do not have to tell me if you are not comfortable,” Dimitri pointed out. Leave it to him to know when Claude was revealing another secret of his, that he may not want to.

They were alone in the room, in the royal levels of the palace. None will disturb them if Dimitri wished it, and right now, Claude felt safer than he has ever felt before. Not even in his childhood home, at Riegan Manor, or even within Garreg Mach.

Here, in Dimitri’s arms, he felt safe. Trusted. Loved.

“I want to…” he started, needing to get the words out, needing to know what Dimitri thought. They shared a dream, shared it five years ago upon a starry night in the Goddess Tower, maybe naively, maybe bravely, but now, Claude wanted to share more. The very core of who he is and what life has been like. He felt ready for it but his tongue still felt heavy.

He snuggled in even closer to Dimitri, caressing his face gently and looked into his eye, that bright brilliant shade of blue. Where it had been dark and stormy with rage and then haunted, it was now as clear as a sunny afternoon sky. It was comforting to look at, and Dimitri was patient as Claude gathered the courage he needed to say the words he held deeply under lock and key.

“I want to break down the barriers between Fodlan and the rest of the world,” he said in one breath. “The people need to reach out and connect. To learn more about the rest of the world. I want to show them that they don’t need to be scared, and there is nothing to hate... that they are just like you and I.”

He took another breath. Dimitri hadn’t said anything, only quietly listening, and that gave him the courage to continue.

“You know about my family, how House Riegan didn’t have an heir after my uncle’s assassination? My grandfather didn’t even know I existed until I came to Fodlan. He said I resemble my mother, I…”

“My mother left Fodlan and married my father in Almyra. I am half-Almyran.”

He hadn’t realized he closed his eyes until Dimitri tilted his chin upwards. He has never told anyone in Fodlan before, only ever hinted it to Teach during those insomniac nights during the time when he had to do things by himself. It was difficult to let the words out and to let them stay, not obfuscated by more words, not half-truths or winks, and certainly not to joke about it. Dedue knows, Teach certainly must have figured it out, and now he has completely spelled it out to Dimitri.

His first love, his only love, his confidence booster, and his safety net.

Claude opened his eyes to see a beautiful smile grace the prince’s face. Like a parting of clouds, his face was clear.

“Thank you,” Dimitri said with sincere honesty and his blue eyes shining, “For everything you have given me.” That openness, the painfully earnest words that may sound insincere or fake from anyone else, but from Dimitri… it was what helped Claude fall for him. He had never known anyone else to be kind and be true about it. To have complete transparency in his intentions.

Even though he regularly took to the skies, Claude had never felt freer right there in Dimitri’s arms.

* * *

The welcome given to Prince Dimitri upon his triumphant return to Fhirdiad was a wondrous affair. Claude had mostly stayed out of the proceedings though Dimitri had briefly wanted Claude to be up there with him. He had declined, knowing this was the lost prince’s moment to reconnect with his city.

Dimitri didn’t think he deserved such a welcome after all but abandoning his homeland. Claude was slightly envious of the unconditional love shown by his people despite it all, knowing that he himself has had to struggle all those years without knowing what that was like. Still, he could not begrudge Dimitri this moment, knowing that his prince has had an emotionally turbulent past and that now he was finally coming home to his people safe and nearly whole again.

When Dimitri stepped away from the lights and the people, he headed straight into Claude’s arms to cry freely, away from the prying eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- TWSITD is no match for the combined anger of Lysithea, Ashe, and Dimitri, I stand by that  
> \- In their heads, Dimitri and Claude already knew they love each other, they just haven’t come outright and said it yet *slaps head*  
> \- Sometimes I just want to write a big scene where everyone in the three houses work together; I sort of did that with HYC but that was more off-screen so everyone has a better spotlight here; the black eagles aren’t here because the cast is already too big so they are holding down Garreg Mach fort with Gilbert  
> \- Funny that the summary of this chapter was never actually in the chapter itself. It was just a line I remember an NPC said and i was pissed off by it; in-game characters will always belittle Claude (even in his own freaking route where they are ‘surprised’ he’s doing so well) so might as well have Dimitri be his ardent defender when nobody else will (what do you mean it’s already canon???)  
> \- The rundown of everyone’s strengths and weaknesses are based on my own simultaneous BL and GD playthroughs. Lorenz was completely equal in strength and magic for me while Sylvain also similar so they both became dark knights in their respective houses. Ignatz originally had the highest RES in GD and so did Ashe but Ashe’s RES growth became more stagnant post-TS so that was annoying, but on the flipside, Ignatz just… couldn’t grow his strength and dexterity stats to make his archer class work at all and I can’t figure out what I did wrong with him  
> \- I got emotionally hurt writing what was happening to Claude and then emotional again while writing the reunion scene, goddammit


	7. A Guide to Self-Care Brought to you by the Golden Deer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... it's... been a while hasn't it? I sat on this chapter for so long, and well, I don't really want to bore you all with excuses and whatnot, so let's get on with it

The war somehow became even more hectic.

After they stormed Fort Merceus, encountering the unexpected blowback of magic - the so-called Javelins of Light that was launched at them - left their armies surprised, devastated, and exhausted. It was a bewildering moment of triumph and tragedy that left a lurch of conflicting emotions in everyone’s wake.

The dead and the injured number greatly. People who were unable to get away from the fort at the last minute were instantly killed while those who were just outside the radius were severely injured.

Manuela’s infirmary was packed and the healers were working overtime. Anyone with even a little bit of faith training was needed, though the ones who do not specialize in it, like Lorenz, soon finished early and sent from the beds along with those with minor injuries that could be dealt with quickly.

They have to march on Enbarr soon or breaking through Fort Merceus would have been for naught.

Despite that pressing matter, Claude had requested that his unusual healing ability be available only to those whose injuries were most grave but have a chance at pulling through, and it was for this scenario that Manuela had called upon him to help keep some people in critical care stable until a healer can get to them. He also requested, of all strange requests, for Byleth to be there as well. Dimitri couldn’t figure out why their professor would be helpful, though Byleth did know some faith magic, so perhaps that was necessary to help Claude out.

Dimitri tried to follow Claude into the infirmary but was waylaid by Manuela and Hilda who told him that the infirmary was too crowded as it was.

“Come with me,” said Hilda, beckoning him with a finger, “Claude told me you prefer not to be in the war room all the time, and the healers need to work, so we’ll find something else to pass the time. What do you usually do?”

Dimitri thought back to those restless nights during the academy rather than now where he mostly spent time placating the ghosts in the chapel or basking in Claude’s light, “Train,” he said.

Hilda smirked, “Of course. Well, let’s not spend all day there okay? There are so many other more interesting things you could do.”

Dimitri’s disbelieving look had her giggling as she flexed her neatly painted fingers and beckoned him to follow her.

After taking one last look at the closed doors of the infirmary, he followed the vision of pink down the stairs.

* * *

Entering the training grounds was like stepping back in time to a rosier era. Dimitri let the feelings wash over him for a brief second, remembering when he would have to spar with his closest friends.

And also the nights when he snuck in to ‘train’ with Claude, he blushed not at the deed itself, but at how eager they both had been back then. He would cherish those memories as they continue to come back to him and chase away anything else.

Dimitri had the awful feeling that if he didn’t have these good memories, he might walk the edge of sanity a lot more frequently and it would be easier to fall off of it. He would not do this for anyone else, would not have the strength to fight back against his ghosts either.

Dimitri hated to find out what would have happened had he not started courting Claude von Riegan and found hope in his life. Perhaps he would be dead in a field somewhere in a mad quest, or perhaps he would not find his salvation until the end of the war if he can even make it that far.

The training hall was not empty. This time it was Felix (no surprise there), Raphael, and Leonie. Actually, it was not a surprise that any of the three would be here. Dimitri had frequently seen the two Deer there during the daylight though sometimes Leonie would be at the archery area with Claude and Ignatz, but she was also very deadly with a lance.

His mind wandered to a time when Leonie would chase after Sylvain like a bloodhound, asking to test her lance skills against his. He remembered the rest of the Blue Lions were extremely amused because Sylvain had put his foot in his mouth again and Leonie had taken offense. 

She eventually got that spar, putting Sylvain to the ground, and earned Felix’s quiet admiration, though she wouldn’t know any of that at the time. Despite Sylvain’s unwieldy behaviours, he was no slouch at the lance either. 

Out of the entire Deer house, Leonie was probably the most proficient in lances, and her bow prowess was not to be underestimated either even if she was a bit outclassed by Claude. 

There was no shame in being outclassed by Claude though, it only spurred people like Leonie and Ashe to continue improving their craft further.

History had always disfavoured the Golden Deer when it came to victory and honour but Dimitri believed that it underestimated this House if its members were like Leonie and Raphael.

Raphael, he knew, was a friendly sort. That much was obvious as he was the first to come over to him and Hilda and offered to spar immediately. He was absolutely the type of person you would not know just from first glance.

“Training takes your mind off things,” said Raphael, not afraid to reach out and pat Dimitri on the shoulder, “And you have that crest that makes you strong right? I want to see how my muscles match up to it!”

In the background, Felix snorted, “Best not to get the boar riled up.”

Dimitri shook his head, “It will be alright, Felix.” He knew what Felix’s concerns were.

Leonie raised an eyebrow at Felix, “I think we’ve all seen what he’s been like in the past few battles. I say that at least deserves acknowledgement for how far he’s come.”

“Yeah,” Raphael chimed in, suddenly looking at Dimitri with a pointed understanding expression and it knocked some of his breath from his lungs, “People grieve in so many different ways and it is really hard to move on when there’s a war too. That would make anyone crazy, I don’t think I could have gotten past the deaths of my parents if I had to fight a war too.”

Even though Raphael wasn’t aware of the details or Dimitri’s story, he somehow just knew the root of the matter. Though Dimitri wouldn’t exactly call straddling the line of insanity and fighting against the doomed voices haunting him the same as ‘crazy from grief,’ but it was close enough.

He had heard a few things from Claude about the suspicions surrounding his uncle’s death and how they resulted in the death of Raphael’s parents too. More senseless deaths because of someone else’s greedy ambitions.

Perhaps Raphael really did know more than he lets on.

Behind them, Felix grunted but didn’t say anything more.

Leonie twirled lance before coming over and eyeing Dimitri with sharp eyes, “Well, crazy or not,” she said rather bluntly, “I would also like to test my skills against you. Let’s see if you’ve gotten better after all these years because I have been training a lot too.”

Now Dimitri could get behind that and he managed a small smile as he went to grab one of the more advanced training spears. If he was careful enough, hopefully he won’t break too many of them.

He hasn’t set foot in the training area in years and he was aware they don’t have a lot of equipment to spare since there was a war, but he could feel the tension melting away. This he knew, and the familiarity of it calmed him, while new sparring partners excited the part of him he thought was dead.

He could spar with Raphael and not worry about hurting him while Leonie embodied both his and Claude’s best skills. It was a great lineup from the Golden Deer as training partners he never got to go against before. It was almost exciting without stirring the bloodlust he had become accustomed to.

Behind him, Hilda rolled her eyes but smiled as she leaned against the wall and muttered quietly, “All of them are so training-obsessed.” Keeping Dimitri busy was a tall order, but the Golden Deer are definitely up to the task. This should keep him busy for a few hours while Claude stayed in the infirmary.

* * *

“No, no, it should be on a battlefield! With rich banners and horses and pegasi in the background-“

“That’s a bit too much don’t you think? Dimitr- I mean, his highness said-“

“But you can do it, can’t you? Why not capture a scene that will inspire us all? Like Loog and Kyphon’s greatest victory!”

“I like the idea that the colours would be vibrant… though I am worried about being able to capture so many people’s likeness…”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. We only have to make sure His Highness and Claude look the part, like proper royalty.”

“We do not have to be so proper,” Dimitri said, though his words might as well have been spoken into a well with how intensely Ashe and Ignatz were drawn into their conversation. He fidgeted on the strangely uncomfortable wooden chair.

Hilda stood on the side, simply giggling and amused as she focused on a craft of her own with the gem beads the professor gave her. She was clearly not going to be of help in this situation. Dimitri still has no idea why he was here at all. She had led him to one of the rooms in the monastery that could be used for any purpose and they found Ignatz and Ashe here. An easel was set up.

It seemed they were set up and waiting for Dimitri to arrive, but for what? 

“Why am I here?” He finally asked them, when a paused moment in the friendly argument presented itself.

“Oh, right,” Ignatz straightened up, embarrassed that he had forgotten his chosen art subject. “I had this thought to visualize a commemoration, you know, after the war is over, we should honour it.”

Dimitri could only visualize war as graves, destroyed lives and land, and Claude’s tired eyes.

Ashe noticed his gaze darkening and elaborated, “What he means is that… even though war is not actually… glorious or anything, we should still acknowledge the work everyone has done and… sacrifices made.”

“If we are to do that,” Dimitri said slowly, memories of his discussion with Claude and how battles are commemorated coming to the forefront of his mind, “let it show peace and new beginnings. Let it show what all the fighting and sacrifices were for instead of… dwelling on the past.” 

Let the violence, horrors, and the haunting spectres of the dead rest. There will be no more need for mock battles to honour violence or create border lines they cannot cross.

Ignatz smiled serenely before making the decision, “Peace and new beginnings huh? I like that. You and Claude ushering in a new beginning for Fodlan.”

Ashe also looked enraptured by the idea, “A tale of a love strong enough to end war and corruption, isn’t that right Your Highness?” 

Love strong enough to withstand the war. A new beginning for Fodlan. Dimitri can only hope the landscape of the war’s aftermath could become a new beginning for all of them. Certainly it could be on the same level as his love for Claude, which could have brought about all of this.

Love.. that was what he felt. When he looked to Claude, he saw love and hope, and it was a magnificent picture.

Hope was a luxury in those five dark years, but now, he thinks he could see the sunrise.

* * *

The sun was already high in the sky as he followed Hilda to the Monastery stables and here, he was hit with an even greater wave of nostalgia. He hadn’t spent nearly as much time in the stables as he did on the training grounds but he would come here whenever he needed a stress reliever. He was remembering that much, of those days when everything seemed bright, that the future could be brighter than his past.

He remembered bits and pieces of the early days of the academy at least, before he started courting Claude, and then he would run into Claude on his way here when he was going to tend to the wyverns and they would spend whole afternoons here.

Admittedly they were not always tending the horses or wyverns or even playing with the cats and dogs that are constantly milling about here.

Today the stable was filled with faces he usually recognized when he came - Marianne brushing her beloved Dorte, Ingrid in the back tending to the Pegasi, and Ferdinand who practically lived in the stable nowadays.

“Your highness!” Ingrid lit up upon seeing him, “It is good to see you here.”

A small surge of guilt welled up inside him. He hadn’t been to the stables at all since he returned to the monastery, hadn’t gone to see any of the horses at all when he had loved horse riding almost as much as Claude loved riding on wyverns.

He tried to smile back, as he would have back then but the curve of his mouth felt heavy. His shoulder sagged under an unknown weight that he did not know of.

Behind him, Hilda narrowed her eyes at seeing his reaction and then gestured to Marianne. She stood up and made her way over to him, moving to his line of sight.

“Dimitri,” Marianne said softly, “Your horse is this way.”

His horse? Dimitri wondered if it was the same horse he rode while he was in the academy and he let Marianne lead him to a corner of the stables that Ferdinand was already tending to and there in fact was a grey mare, the same one Dimitri rode on class assignments during peaceful days.

Perhaps he could persuade Claude to ride with him. He had already been talking about taking Dimitri flying before, and Dimitri was determined to equalize it with something Claude doesn’t do as often in return.

He seemed to be lost in his thoughts because he did not realize Marianne waiting in front of him with a patient smile for several moments and he jolted out of his thoughts when she spoke.

“Does it get easier?” She asked softly. Her voice carrying just a bit in the empty crevices.

Dimitri had a guess as to what Marianne was referring to, so he answered as honest as he could make it, “On some days it is worse than others, but since coming here…. It is less burdensome.”

“But it never goes away does it,” Marianne said, equal parts disappointed and equal parts resigned. Dimitri remembered how much Marianne struggled with herself, believing that she was a burden because of everything she had to deal with.

It was eerily familiar. Dimitri was glad she chose to deal with it another way. Looking back on the darkest of days when the screams were the loudest and seemingly endless, he also understood that he did have choices, even back then.

He understood almost painfully what Claude had meant by choosing his burdens instead of taking them from the living or the dead. Given that Claude had Marianne in his house, he must have understood his struggles with greater insight than you would expect.

* * *

“Have you regret what you have said or done when you were young and naïve?” Lorenz asked, absently stirring the tea in his delicate cup.

The air smelled fragrant, mixed in with the refreshing plants that surrounded the tea terrace, along a backdrop of a bright blue sky. It was very calm and refreshing, and Dimitri felt he could settle somewhat in the calm.

“I have,” Dimitri murmured quietly, honestly. That list would probably fall off the table and turn into a roll longer than the stone path next to them.

“I most certainly have,” Mercedes giggled, “I set fire to the curtains once because I thought more fire could boil the tea faster.”

Annette also laughed at that as she tried to cover the crumbs in her mouth, “We were pretty silly back then.” 

Lorenz hummed, “Yes, I certainly had foolish notions back then. I realize now that I was beholden to my father’s words and none of my own. That was why I was so suspicious of Claude, but you could never be too careful.”

Dimitri remembered that. Claude never said anything, but there were times when he walked away from a discussion with Lorenz, he could see him vainly try to conceal the pain in his face. Lorenz was not kind with his words back then, but Claude always waved them off, forging forward without another thought back.

“Then the war arrived on our very doorsteps,” Lorenz continued and Dimitri returned his thoughts to the present, “and I realized I must make amends because we may be here today but things may not be the same tomorrow. I do not want to leave any of you with an unfavourable impression.”

Mercedes nodded, “It is good that you are aware of such things, Lorenz, but don’t forget that while amends are necessary, they shouldn’t be the only reason to make them.”

Lorenz gave a wry smile, “As usual, your wisdom is unparalleled Mercedes.”

“Big sister Mercie dishes on everything you need,” Annette teased, and the atmosphere remained light and comfortable as they enjoyed homemade treats and small talk. The smells wafted and intertwined with the pleasant aroma of tea from Lorenz’s personal stock.

Both Mercedes and Annette had to return to the healing ward after their brief break, promising Dimitri they will keep an eye on Claude for him, and then they left.

It was just him and Lorenz now, until Hilda came back.

Lorenz sipped his tea, and there was an inexplicable tension in the air. One that Dimitri didn’t know how to address.

Finally, Lorenz set his cup down, “You and Claude.” There was an odd tone in his voice.

Dimitri tried to keep his hand steady and his face neutral.

“You managed to see what my past self could not,” Lorenz said, maintaining that odd sounding tone. It was complimenting and bitter, a strange contradiction rolled into the elegant lilt of his words. There were many things Dimitri could interpret in his sentence so he tried to focus on the most important one.

“Back in the academy?” Dimitri asked. Memories of late nights spent with Claude, talking and realizing the brilliant mind behind the smiles. He now knew there was a moment where Claude teetered, where that mask that hides his truths threatened to fall, wanting, no, yearning, to show itself to someone he could trust.

Dimitri was humbled that Claude decided it would be him. He vowed to never break that trust, knowing how much it mattered to his beloved. Deep down he already knew what his heart turned to, no matter how far he had fallen. A trust that could move mountains.

That was why he could never bring himself to kill Claude, even five years later, when death was all he could think about. The flipside of his tainted lion heart belonged to a beautiful golden deer.

Lorenz breathed in, quiet but audible. Dimitri pulled himself back to the present.

“You have also grown into your own,” he offered to the noble, completely sincere in his words.

“Thank you,” Lorenz accepted with grace that looked easy but likely took years of ingrained practice. “I had a lovely time today, Dimitri. If you ever need to enjoy the wonderful calming properties of tea, I would be pleased to join you again.”

Dimitri nodded. The aromas of the tea were indeed calming, helping him focus on the things in front of him.

The Golden Deer do not have a problem with calling Dimitri by his name when he asked it of them. He wondered if that was Claude’s informal influence, or if the Deer house did not sit on propriety as much as Faeghus does. Certainly, he was expecting Lorenz out of all of them to retain the proper titles but perhaps there was another reason for the address.

Either way, it was refreshing to be with different people who didn’t revere him as their king or saviour, seeing their different personalities and to see them grow up past their academy days. The ones whom Claude trust, and Dimitri in turn, can as well.

* * *

“You can calm down now, Lysithea. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Claude watched as his friend paced around the infirmary. He had managed to bring two of their soldiers back from the edge of death and they were now recuperating on separate beds. Claude was still tired though, and Lysithea had finished her healing duties before turning disapproving eyes on him.

The young mage stopped her pacing at the edge of Claude’s bed and crossed her arms.

“I know you want to stop any senseless deaths, Claude, but you can’t keep doing this!”

“Doing what?” Claude asked, playing dumb but it was fairly transparent, and Lysithea saw through him easily.

“Don’t play dumb! You’re relying on your crest too much for it to not have some adverse effect on you!”

Claude drew the sheets up closer to his chest, “We checked remember? There hasn’t been any side effects of using my crest. The only thing so far is that I get tired more easily.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Lysithea huffed, “You’re exhausted to the point of passing out every time, and you have to deal with all the responsibilities of being General and our leader. I know I work hard, but you may actually be surpassing me with all the double duty you’ve been pulling. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much weight you’ve lost!”

“Hey, food rationing is hard on all of us but at least things are getting better. The Blue Lions have improved so much,” Claude protested.

Lysithea’s rose coloured eyes flashed with hidden anger, “And that’s another task that you took on as well! It shouldn’t have fallen to you to help _their prince_.”

She will never admit though, that she was grateful that Dimitri chose to save Claude over pursuing Edelgard. The thought that the dark mages would keep Claude in their grasp and possibly disappear into the unknown forever chilled her mind and conjured up horrific memories.

Claude resisted the urge to sigh or argue that he himself was the best option to help Dimitri, “Well, what’s done is done, Lysithea. I know you’re more worried about the effects of my crest.”

He could see her visibly reining back her anger and couldn’t help a proud smile. Lysithea has really grown up.

She sat down in the nearby chair, “Yes, you’re right. I am worried. I guess I… never told you about the effects of mine.”

A sudden chill ran through Claude at those words. He was glad to be still sitting on the bed because he thought his knees might have just gone weak, “What?”

“Well I have two crests… and I remember that you told me back then that the dark mages had planned to implant you with another and… I told you back in Fhirdiad that those same mages were the ones who experimented on me well,” Lysithea powered through her explanation, despite the pain in her eyes of having to remember the dark parts in her life. Her body language held an apprehensive line but she held her chin up high, eyes staring determinedly at him.

“Bearing two crests… that power drains you,” she trailed, shooting Claude a pleading look. “I know you hold secrets dear to you, Claude but this one is mine, I… as a result of the crests and the experiments, my lifespan is shorter.”

She wasn’t telling this out of pity, Claude realized, she was telling him this from a place of caution. It was hard to digest it though, thinking about their youngest having the shortest time to live. He had always known that Lysithea must have a secret, a reason why she worked so hard and was in a hurry to grow up, but he had thought it was because she was making up for the second crest possibly stunting her growth. She was so tiny after all.

Now he understood the risks and costs for why she could be so powerful in such a short amount of time and despite her smaller stature.

There had to be something they could do. Claude refused to sit there listening to Lysithea’s story and then do nothing by it.

If she can be worried about the effects of Claude’s crest on his body, he can do the same for her.

Looking at Lysithea’s colouring, another image came to Claude’s mind, one who has similar hair, a short stature, but wielded unbelievable strength.

“Lysithea… do you think Edelgard might be the same way?” Claude asked, slightly hesitant to mention the very Emperor they were fighting by name.

Lysithea paused, taken aback but not exactly surprised by her leader’s observant words. After a moment where she considered how honest or how speculative she could be, she nodded, “Yes. I suspect Edelgard might also be like me, though I don’t know how that could be.” 

He stood from the bed, ignoring the slight dizziness and nausea that the movement caused, “We are going.”

Before Lysithea could respond, he was tugging her along, motivation buoying him into ignoring the pain.

“Claude, what are you doing?”

“What I should have done much earlier,” Claude muttered before saying in a louder voice, “We are going to see Hanneman. It’s about time we figure out a solution to our crests.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Lysithea von Ordelia takes no prisoners and won’t hesitate to rip you a new one because she cares about you  
> \- Erm, this was kinda lighthearted until the last scene huh? Woops  
> \- The Deer are good for the Lions, I stand by this, with the stray Eagle here and there because they are also a cool house and have a role to play in this war (yes I know the mechanics in the game means they are operating on the fact that any character could die so they cannot contribute as much to the story but screw that, this is my story and everyone will be alive)  
> \- In a similar vein to what I said about Claude in chapter 3, Hilda will also go the extra mile for people she trusts but like Claude, it is also very difficult for her to reach that level and it would have to be for someone she really really trusts (and she doesn’t even think she is capable of doing it until it’s too late) so… she and Claude are really two peas in a pod  
> \- It’s slightly hinted that Lorenz may be jealous of Dimitri, or feeling regretful he was not able to see past his younger self’s arrogance and self-importance to realize his own feelings in time. He addresses Dimitri by his own name (and only in private) as a subtle act of rebellion, if you were wondering about the ooc moment
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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